Well, I got good news and bad news. The good news is that the Minnesota Vikings still suck and are picking third in the NFL draft. Barring getting ourselves Spielman'd, we're going to end up with a pretty awesome player that's going to be able to help immediately on this team, which means ... five wins in 2012? SUCCESS! The bad news? All that #Blowing4Blackmon may have been in vain.
ProFootballWeekly.com has released an early mock draft, and for Vikings fans hoping to see a reincarnation of Randy Moss in purple will be disappointed. Currently, PFT has the mock draft falling Indianapolis picking Andrew Luck, then St. Louis picking Justin Blackmon. And the Vikings?
|
3. Minnesota Vikings After Bryant McKinnie was sent packing, Charlie Johnson stepped into the starting lineup and servicably got through the season, but the chance to land a premium left tackle does not come along often, and Kalil can protect Christian Ponder's blind side for years to come — a safe way for GM Rick Spielman to protect his investment in the team's quarterback of the future. |
*Insert Obama "Not Bad" face*
no comments
Little known fact: I once dabbled in an Art History major during college (#humblebrag) and have always had an affinity for snob arts, because I secretly aspire to be a rich art collector like Thomas Crown so I can bang Renee Russo on a staircase. Hot. Because of this, when discussing all things concerning style, taste, and COOLNESS, you should always consult me. Obviously. Also, I just like things that look good, and sirs, I can tell you that this fan-made logo LOOKS GOOD.
This comes from a website called "Gridiron League" which, I'm assuming, is a fan made site dedicated to creating vintage and stylish looking NFL logos for all current (and even some former!) teams. They're all pretty amazing. And, if you don't know a lick about design or looking like a bauss instead of a dirty farmer, take my word for it! Details on it, and other NFC North team logos, after the jump:
no comments
The Minnesota Vikings coaches are down in Mobile, ABABAMA this week to coach NFL Draft prospects at the Senior Bowl. God help all these prospective players, because they sure as shit aren't learning anything this week. Despite this, the presence of Leslie Frazier and company at the Senior Bowl has provided some unique insight into the NFL Draft process. ESPN1500 has really taken advantage of this opportunity and spent a long time Tuesday interviewing Vikings GM Rick Spielman on the entire drafting task. They "put out" an interesting article that covered a lot of the steps, and provided some hilarious insights, as you can see in the title of this post. Also, Chris Cook clearly loves drugs. So alludes Rick Spielman (in the non-bolded text):
|
Do you check social media? Oh yeah. We have our guys pull up all their facebooks, Twitter accounts, and there was a kid last year that his Facebook -- you've got to be kidding me. He put this on Facebook? And he was a talented player. What kinds of stuff? Bad stuff. What about tweets that are just weird? Chris Cook posted something awhile back at 2 a.m. that said, 'I'm a Martian.' Do you look at that? Yeah. But again, you talk to these kids so much that we might address it at some point. 'Hey, what the hell was that?' |
More highlights after the jump. But if you really want to see how the entire draft process works for a team that can't draft well, head over to the article and read the whole thing. It should take a good 45 minutes or so and dash any hopes you may have of a successful draft. Awesome!
no comments
We all know Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe has a good head on his shoulders. He's always out greeting fans at the Mall of America, taking punches at that douche-stain Skip Bayless, and playing videos games with the best of them. But he's also smart. Maybe a little TOO smart.
Recently, Kluwe provided an interview to TC Huddle, which is a blog about all things Minnesota. Just sports, though. I think. I mean, I didn't see anything about Prince on there, but I also admittedly didn't look very hard. Anyway, one of the items Kluwe had a point of mentioning is that he kind of actually gets that there are more important things in life than 22 guys fighting over the inflated bladder of a pig on any given Sunday. As he says:
|
It seems evident in the way you play football, your interest in gaming, and even your tweets, that you think there are far more important things in the world than games. Where does that come from? My parents, my teachers, the books I’ve read; basically how I was brought up to view the world. Too many people are interested in the trivial, the mundane, and the material, and don’t pay attention to what really matters in life. Sure it’s nice to be able to play football to make a living, but it’s not the be-all and end-all; I have a family and friends that are more important than that. You know what’s amazing to me? The fact that in a mind-blowingly vast universe that contains wonders we can’t even imagine and which we’ll probably never discover in a hundred lifetimes, in a galaxy that orbits around a super-massive black hole the physics of which we can’t even comprehend, on a planetoid that formed from the accretion of dust and gas into just the right sort of world just the right distance from an ongoing nuclear explosion that could sustain life, the surface of which has been one giant struggle for the past 5 billion years to defy floods, plagues, volcanoes, meteors, and politicians; amidst all that, there are people who live and die by what happens on a Sunday when 11 grown men face 11 other grown men over who has control over the inflated bladder of a pig. Talk about a lack of perspective. |
BOOM, ROASTED, NFL. Or something. That doesn't even make any sense. More highlights after the jump:
no comments
Big time news in the future of the NFC North yesterday, as both Brian Robison and The Cutlereses are bringing babies into the world! Brian Robison shared a picture of his new bundle of one-day-teenage-hormones on Twitter, Madelyn Mae Robison (a surprisingly acceptable name), while Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler announced to People magazine (and thus Deadspin) that the two love birds blame on destroying her hot body so Jay Cutler can pass his diabetes on to an undeserving child.
And we all know what this sets up, 22 years from now ... A BATTLE OF NFC NORTH BABIES! WHO YA GOT?!
no comments
As if shit couldn't get any worse for Minnesota Vikings fans ...
Last week we had the crying Green Bay Packer vermin that trolled the internet, looking for fame, as she wept her way onto talk shows and 15 minutes of stardom after the Packers vacated their bowels against the New York Giants. This week, the NFL itself is getting in on the action and giving fans a big "Eff You, Morons!" to all the fans of teams who ended with shit records by having their favorite players sing Bette Midler's "Wind Beneath My Wings" to them.
On the one hand, it appears innocent enough. Several burly men (and some scantily clad cheerleaders, hooray boobs!) show up in the types of places where you'd find your Average Joe football fan. The office cubicle, their Minnesota suburban home, Mexicans offering illegal and cheap labor to cook in a retaurant ... and they all start singing this song to REALLY let them know, hey man, we just want to play this game of football for YOU, the FANS, because we know how much you love football!
.....
Except that's all total bullshit.
no comments
Let's get one thing straight here. I'm not a very good fan. I don't buy an authentic jersey of the rookie players every year, because the current jerseys are ugly and dumb. I wouldn't be caught dead using it as a cum rag, even if someone gave it to me. And I haven't been to a game in over three years, even though I drive by the Dome every single day. I actually asked for a Minnesota Vikings t-shirt for Christmas this year too because I was running out of ideas, and when I ended up getting it, I kind of shrugged in ambivalence. I'm never going to wear it. It's stupid. Most Vikings shirts (And really, almost all NFL shirts) are stupid because they don't like to poke fun at themselves. The shirts on the PJD Merchandise store? AWESOME. Because they're unique and hilarious and it's highly recommended you buy one. And while I don't financially support the team through merchandise and ticket sales, boy, I sure do cheer my little heart out! .... And write daily blog posts about this team, if that counts for anything (it doesn't).
The one case where this changes? When Purple Jesus gets drafted by my team and his iconic #28 jersey in throwback style all of a sudden becomes available to purchase on eBay through illegal Japanese replica factories. I bought one, and while I rarely wear it, I do cherish it. Which is why it makes me sick even more when he so much as raised the idea of him switching numbers over the weekend.
no comments
Welcome to another edition of Zero Insight! Normally, we take an article from esteemed pepaw at the Star Tribune, Sid Hartman, and savage that saggy balled old man a new one over his stupid ghost-written columns. Today however, we have a special guest poster, Rich. from something called "Gold Star Games," which I have hyperlinked to out of obligation and likewise have never heard of, nor will I click on the link. He said he had an article he wrote about why there is hope for the Minnesota Vikings going forward, and he asked if I'd be willing to publish it. I asked if he'd be willing to be savaged, Fire Joe Morgan style, and he said he frankly didn't give a shit. So he produces tons of written content for me, I still get to be a dick, and it's a total lazy Friday win-win! Enjoy!
- "Why there is hope for the Minnesota Vikings."
Notice right off the bat how he's lying to you. There's no hope for the Minnesota Vikings, ever. Don't let this silver tongued author attract you into his Venus fly trap!
- "Following a season that finished 3-13 and the loss of one the greatest running backs in the game you might ask yourself how is there any hope for the Minnesota Vikings?"
no comments
I wanted to just say "Mexican", but this guy Jose Valdez sounds more like a mix between Valvoline and something Exxon. Is that a good thing? Also, he's probably not at all Mexican, and of course I would never lie to you.
Anyway, BIG NEWS today, as the Minnesota Vikings recently announced the signing of two players to future contracts, the aforementioned Jose Valdez (offensive linemen) and Daniel Hardy, a tight end who I'm pretty sure also writes military drama novels on the side. I'll be honest with you. I have no idea how future contracts work in the NFL, nor do I really care. If I had to take a drunken, half-masturbating shot in the face, I'd say that it's when you sign someone from another team's practice squad after ... two? ... years without them playing in a regular season game, and the contract is non-guaranteed. This means we get to kick their flubby tires in OTAs and other mini camp activities while they freak out about whether or not they'll have a job in two months. Honestly? That kind of sounds awful.
But I'm guessing that Valdez and Hardy don't give two shits since they have their famous names to fall back on. More on them after the jump:
no comments
This is Casey. She is a rather unattractive Green Bay Packers fan. Maybe that's just because she looks like Clay Matthews. She IS wearing a Clay Matthews jersey, and in addition to her equally long blond hair, the comparisons are obviously natural. This is a video of her crying hysterically after the Packers pulled the ultimate choke job against a mediocre New York Giants team in the playoffs this past Sunday, becoming the first 15-1 team to not win a playoff game. Suckers. Even the Minnesota Vikings at least had the decency to piss down their fans heart valves in the NFC Championship game!
Anyway, this video of Casey has been making the internet rounds the past 24-hours or so, and for good reason. We all love seeing Packer fans feel, sound, and look like shit, and Casey is certainly no exception. Her puffy cheeks, her snot nose, her high pitched horse neighing ... It's a thing of beauty! In fact ... It's almost TOO good, which is why I'm calling bullshit on this whole video.
no comments
