This is old news by now, but everyone’s second favorite 84 receiver was released by the Vikings a small five days into training camp. Ouch. Can you already tell you don’t want someone on your roster any more that short into training camp? Allison must have been eating Funyuns and beef jerkey all summer instead of running with Larry Fitz and Cris Carter all summer, like the Vikings’ real fucking receivers did! You may remember Allison as the 146th overall pick by the Vikings in the 2007 NFL Draft. For some reason, this amazing value pick was overshadowed that year by some guy named Purple Jesus. Living in that shadow, Allison tried his damndest to make a name for himself by pushing off of defenders on critical third down situations and distinguishing himself by wearing a helmet that never really fit his head. His cranial head, we’re not talking condoms here. Most notably, he returned a punt 104 yards in 2007, his rookie year. I say “most notably”, because I vaguely remember something like that happening, but had to look up what team it was against. Can you guess it? No, not a high school squad, but close. It was apparently the Lions in week 13 that year. This stands as a team record for longest punt return and probably will for a while, so at least Allison has the comfort of knowing that he’ll always be in our record books, if not in our hearts. Also, the quote he gave concerning his foreboding of being released was priceless:
"I kind of knew it was coming," he said. "I was kind of behind the 8-ball with Percy (Harvin) being drafted."Ouch. How defeating must that be to actually say. I mean, he is clearly acknowledging that he is a worse football player, nay, worse person than Percy Harvin, and Harvin sure as shit ain’t a peach. Harvin is a dope fiending, hot headed fire cracker, but he’s my dope fiending, hot headed fire cracker so I don’t care. Even so, Allison knew that he belonged to no one now, and probably left the field like a sad puppy. How demoralizing. So fare thee well, number 84. You had no relation to the other number 84 and we won’t remember you beyond the fact that you tarnished that number for a couple of years. We hope you find some team to sign with (Miami?), just as long as it’s not in the NFC North, so you can’t give them all of our secrets, you bastard.