“I've got a question: Sidney Rice is getting to the point where he needs an awesome nickname, a la "Purple Jesus". Thoughts?”I agree. I’m a bit hesitant to go the “Purple _____” route, because people tried doing that with Favre and it was a disaster. I know that Purple Jesus himself recently informed the public that’s he’s been calling Sidney Rice “Showtime Sid” on his own, and that Greg Coleman on KFAN has been calling him Sidney “Fried” Rice. I kind of like Showtime, as it’s flashy, like Sindey, and seems to mature him a little bit. I’ve always just liked the simple “Sid the Kid”. It rhymes and also references his alleged underaged women mishaps that have floated around message boards for years now. Also, we could try to work with things like “Siddhartha”, “Sid Happens”, “Sid Catch-A-Lot” (A Seattle reference!), “Siddy Putty” or really anything else that someone can come up with that doesn’t suck like those ideas. Leave yours in the comments! From reader Scott comes:
“In the video of B Favre, what is his obsession with spanking? I read a legitimate article last year that focused on how "friendlier" Favre has gotten as he has aged. Unfortunately, I cannot find the article. "Also, how awkward is it when he is trying to kiss PJ's ass in that video? It's like a mix between him trying to sound good for the mic, and trying give him advice so he can one day say he is partially responsible for PJ's divinity.”The video is kind of funny, and I hate that because I still want to genuinely shake my fists at Brett Favre for being a fuck for 20 years. This fantastic season and his general camaraderie towards the team are making this rather difficult though. I don’t get his love for spanking, either. I know it’s something he’s always done, and oh, sure, I kind of get it when you’re 15 playing towel snap or whatever in the showers at school (/no homo), but I’ve heard stories of guys losing testicles because of that, so I’ve washed that playful option straight out of my head. Favre being “friendlier” would worry the shit out of me, though. And yes, his PJ ball washing is obnoxious. I just watched “Observe and Report” last night with Seth Rogen. It reminds me of the scene when his drunk mother tries to pep talk him. Awkward. Decent movie though, if you haven’t seen it. You get to see gross fat man penis. And Ray Liotta. Note: Gross fat penis is NOT Ray Liotta’s. Finally, from Derek Rick:
“[Could] the gophers basketball team could beat Wolves?”I don’t actually know anything about the Gophers basketball team. I think half the squad is in drug trouble or something and is suspended, which could be trouble, but the Wolves team is so terrible I doubt that would matter. At least the freshmen on the Gophers squad haven’t been beaten down by years of failing like the players on the Wolves have. I’d have to go Goofers on this one. Thanks for the questions this week! Again, please send any and everything my way, and feel free to offer your own suggestions in the comments! I’M TRYING TO MAKE THIS INTERACTIVE, PEOPLE, COME ON! Healthy game distractions: We’ve already touched on the glory of Pico de Gallo during the bye week, but here’s an easy main dish that you can make before the Vikings game to cure your nasty hangover. I have to recognize my family as having come up with this recipe, and they’ll easily attest to its magical hangover reducing powers. WHAT YOU NEED (For one person): 3-4 eggs, depending on how awesome you are 1 clove of garlic 6 cherry tomatoes 3 fresh basil leaves Some fresh mozzarella Some butter COOK THAT SHIT: First you need to prep some items. First, crack your eggs into a bowl and add your desired amount of salt and pepper. Don’t add milk, or water, or anything else stupid. The ideal egg density is simply egg. Everything else is bush league. Dice up your garlic glove. If you’re an idiot, the best thing to do is smush your clove with the flat side of your knife, and then dice it thin. Halve the tomatoes, roll the basil up like a blunt and cut those length wise finely (DON’T CHOP IT!) and shred some fresh mozzarella. If you don’t have any that’s fresh, you are missing out, my friend. You start by putting your butter in your pan. I don’t care if you have a “non stick pan” or not, you still need butter in it because butter makes everything taste better. You let that shit melt, but not brown, and then toss in your garlic and let it sweat. Once that’s ready, throw your eggs in and cook them on a low heat so they cook evenly. Drop your tomatoes in early too, so the acidic juices cook with the egg. Once the eggs look close to being done, drop your mozzarella in so it can start melting and put the basil in at the last minute that the eggs are still cooking so that they release their basily flavor but don’t cook or burn. BOOM. You got hangover cure. Personally, I always cook up some bacon to go along side it, because bacon has been scientifically proven to cure hangovers as well. I can do a whole separate dissertation on bacon though, but for now this is all you need. Let me know how it goes. They’re called the Seattle Seagals, people! Seagals. Really. Seagulls? Ooooohhh … it’s a play on words! How hilarious! You know, seagulls also have huge mouths that could totally deep throat you during a blow job. I’m just saying, maybe the name is there for a reason. You also know that these cheerleaders are queens in that city too, with how ugly the average person there is. I swear to you that you’d gouge off your testicles if you had to choose from the pool of women that lived in that city. Much like any attractive woman in Wisconsin, these females must have been imported. Probably from California. Or whatever, I don’t know. Really, can you name at least one attractive person that has ever come out of Seattle? I cannot. Mind bending game predictions! I don’t really know much about the Seahawks this year, partly because they’re hidden away in Seattle and partly because I think they might suck. They’ve lost to some bad to decent to great teams like the Bears, Cardinals and the Colts. But then they’ve beaten some teams like the Jaguars and … well, the Rams and the Lions. Those two teams are real bad. So I guess their record of 3-7 is pretty indicative of whom they are, and that is a team that is worse than the Vikings. So, if logic follows, the Vikings should probably win this game Sunday. Seattle has been injured, their offensive line is still suffering for the loss of Hutchinson, their defensive stars are going down left and right (I’m pretty sure, but who cares) and Hasselbeck is an unreliable old quarterback forming into a Jake Delhomme. Some days he can wing it and some days he looks older than Tara Reid’s stomach. I don’t know what to make of him. But, if there is one coach in the league that has a worse reputation than Childress it’s Jim Mora Jr. So I feel fairly confident in saying that the Vikings will win this game, probably something like 31-23. If Winfield plays, you can knock at least three points off the Seahawks score. I feel like Purple Jesus is due for another MVP type game as well, and The Land Baron will sit back and sling football darts in a very controlled way, but he might be good for an interception this weekend as well. I promise though, it won’t be a back breaker. Not like the one to end our Super Bowl run will be! Enjoy the game everyone. Leave your expectations, Seattle hatred, links to sexy cheerleaders and anything else in the comments. See you again on Monday with the game recap.