Vikings second fifth round pick, former Minnesota Gopher linebacker Nate Triplett … Who? Uh … Really? Nate Triplett? Oh, I get it. This is a joke, right? A terrible, Jim Carrey 2008 movie joke that flopped at the box office and is sent right to DVD, right? Spielman is just dicking with us here, correct? Ok, ok, guys, funny job. Who did the Vikings really pick here? … What? Really? GOD DAMMIT. No, seriously, who? Nate Triplett is a former Minnesota Golden Gopher’s outside linebacker. He was part of a unit that in 2009 was the 50th ranked scoring defense in the country, which, surprisingly, isn’t as eye gougingly terrible as I thought it would be. Tripsies here is also listed as a six foot three inch, 247 pound white guy that I can’t imagine has anything more than white guy speed. In fairness, he did have the second highest amount of tackles on the team in 2009, which was also his first and only year as a full time starter. Also of note, he’s a local kid, having grown up in the bustling metropolis of … Delano? … and so now he gets to play for his hometown pro football team. That has to be pants tightening, I suppose. Well, plus that and all the fucking cash he’ll end up with. Seriously, who the fuck makes this pick? God, I don’t know. Rick Spielman? I have no idea why the Vikings even bothered to go to the Gophers pro day this year. Who were you going to draft from them? Decker? He wasn’t a need on the team. Honestly, I can’t think of a single reason why you would waste a draft pick, let alone a valuable fifth round draft pick, on anyone from a Minnesota college. Good old Brad, always knowing where people are going to be plucked. NO WAY HE’D MAKE IT UNTIL THE SEVENTH ROUND! God, this makes me furious. Ok, but why the fuck would he ever play professional football? I don’t know. If we’re trying to be “fair” here and not just rant about stupid shit, he may have some transferable skills as a special teams player. But again, this isn’t a need for the Vikings. The Vikings special teams has been getting better and better recently, and the team already has tons of dollars invested in guys who play that role better, like the human bullet Heath Farwell. Love that guy. Is Triplett going to push him for a roster spot? I highly doubt it. Is Triplett more versatile to be a better outside linebacker back up than Farwell is? Perhaps. Here’s what CBSSports.com had to say, pluses and negatives, about Triplett:With the 2010 NFL Draft officially in the books, it is now time to sit the new fresh meat down and POUND them for info on who the hell you are exactly. Today, we continue with the
Positives: Versatile linebacker who could play inside in the 3-4 or SAM in the 4-3. Instinctual, and a better athlete than expected. Tough vs. the run; stacks and sheds, also runs through trash inside to make plays. Solid tackler who wraps in space and doesn't let go. Good in coverage, as well, getting to running backs and tight ends. Will contribute on special teams because of his aggressive nature. Negatives: Not great at any one thing; not ultra-strong, an elite athlete or speedster. A bit stiff in the hips; NFL tight ends and backs will run by him and out-quick him in space if matched up one-on-one. Needs to work on maintaining knee bend when dropping or else he'll lose targets in coverage.So he’s kind of a nice guy that can’t play football? Cool. Let’s draft him to make up for all the other guys we just drafted that at one point were academically ineligible. UP HIGH! Have you ever watched the Gophers play? Yes, and they’re fucking terrible. They almost lost to South Dakota State and got beat in a bowl game by Iowa State. And Kevin Cosgrove is their defensive coordinator. Do you know anything about Cosgrove? He sucks Serbian balls. Hairy, garbage smelling testicles. And you’re going to draft one of his coached players to start on a professional football team? Seriously, what kind of dirt does the Triplett family have on Spielman? Video of him finger banging a spider monkey? I don’t get it. Was there honestly no one else to choose here? Just for fun, let’s take a looksy … Oh, look. Sleeper quarterback Jonathan Crompton from Tennessee was picked right after Trips, as was some tackle from TCU (could have used help there) as well as Dan LeFevour and Jonathan Dwyer later on in the sixth. These guys will probably suck though. Triplett was a TOTAL value pick. Nice call, fellas. Fucking kill me. I’m not sure what I can say about this pick. Sure, I don’t really like the Gophers at all and yes, some of that anger towards them always choking like a hooker with a gag reflex is coming out here, and yes I realize that it is unfair to direct any of that anger towards some kid that is probably having the god damn time of his life right now because he was drafted into the NFL. Good for Triplett. I don’t blame him. If it was me running this draft though? Ehh … gotta be honest. I wouldn’t have taken him. Anyway, since I know shit about Triplett anyone and I understand some of you here, for some odd reason, may want to know more odds and ends about him, here’s a question and answer session he did recently with Pioneer Press blow hard Bob Sansevere. Don’t print that!! AhhhhhhhhIfucking hate you Sansevere. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QscnTCqVbaY] So? Enjoy the pick? Like to see a Goofer picked by an NFL team? Feel a special connection to the Minnesota boy? Or are you also wondering what other gem could have possible been had? Leave it in the comments where I can ridicule you!