Brett Favre's appearance once again anticlimactic: Similar to last year when Favre walker-ed himself out to the huddle against the Kansas City Chiefs and everyone shit their pants because they were like "ZOMG FAVRE PURPLE WHHHAAAA???!?!?", this time was similar in that he played the same amount of snaps as he took nude camera photos of himself, and none of them were all too impressive. There was one play where he threw a pass out into the flats to Peterson, who then ran it for a first down with some nifty moves. He then handed it off a couple of times, as well. What's notable there I suppose, for a preseason game, is that no one fumbled, so at least we got that going for us. And then Favre was absolutely demolished by Patrick Willis, who is an unabashedly bad ass mother fucker. Just like that then, after his near decapitation of both Favre and Peterson which I was afriad would happen, Favre was out and we were all reminded how much we hate TarVar. Anyone see his jump pass mid-sack? I do think that was when he strong armed it to Peterson for a nice little gain, but don't underestimate that jump pass. It was gold Jerry, gold!
This team has a whole lot of issues: But yeah, I can't lie about this one; this team has a whole lot of fucking issues. Am I overreacting because it's the preseason? Yes. Is every other Vikings fan doing the same thing though? Of course. If the NFL didn't want us to, they wouldn't put preseason games in primetime slots, idiot. But what the fans have seen in the past two preseason games are the same things we saw throughout all of last season, especially when the team was getting ass fisted. Take note: the running game still sucks, with a mix of bad run blocking and not-very-good runners, the safety play is still atrocious with people taking worse angles than in a political campaign, and Bryant McKinnie still leaves a wider path to the quarterback than Sally Draper does to herself on her friend's couch. Yes, I still got to watch Mad Men last night, and I probably should've just watched the 9:00 PM showing instead of the rerun later. This football game wasn't worth it.
Mushroom Stamp of Approval - Joe Webb: However, I clearly would have then missed the only highlight from the game, which was Joe Webb's nifty 48 yard touchdown run. Sure, it was against the 49ers 8th stringers, and it added to make the final score look more respectable (until he took that safety of course), but regardless, he showed some quality moves on the run. Like a ninja escaping from a rival clans band of assassins! HI-YA! That's what they say, right? Collinsworth and Al Michaels were picking up on Webb too, surprisingly. Maybe it's because I'm used to watching shit faces like Ari Wolfe and Robbi Inksmikowskiwhateverthefuck on FSN, but seeing a professional broadcasting team actually report on accurate facts of players was kind of mind blowing. "Why yes, Webb WAS drafted as a receiver and switched to QB during a rookie mini camp! It's like you read the same blogs I do!" That's probably more of just a damming statement for the other networks though. Anyway, yeah, Webb was the only thing that looked good and I hope he stays. I guess.
I forgot what Peterson running looked like: And it is totally awesome. This is the other thing that kills me about this offensive line. You see some runs where Peterson tries to follow what would be his blocks between the tackles, except the entire offensive line at some point over the last two years has decided that the best blocking scheme would be to hog pile everyone in the middle of the field and just tighten your anus in hopes that Peterson bounces it outside for a long gain. It is the worst fucking run blocking I've ever seen, and it's been going on for years. We need to get Mike Tice back. There. I said it. But keep in mind, the reason for this is that when you finally see that beautiful man run into the open field, or hit a gap and explode into the second level, it's a thing of god damn beauty. And for two years now Childress and his coaching staff has been shitting on this guy and stifling his natural ability. I almost forgot why we call him Purple Jesus. But if you need any more indications of his talent, just look at how Peterson runs behind that line and then how Albert Young runs behind it. In conclusion, fuck you offensive line.
The Favre knobbing is still ridiculous: I still can't get over it, either, and it's the knobbing that's going on everywhere. The entire half time interview with Favre, the dramatic camera angles on some wrinkly old asshole that looks decades older than 40, the camera cut to Favre laughing about something unrelated but seemingly made to look like he's laughing at Joe Webb's touchdown dance. Get the fuck over it, people. Play or don't play. The worst though, still, is the fans. I watched a bit of Vikings Weekly with the wildebeest Ann Carrol and they interviewed a bunch of fans last Tuesday when Favre flew into town and drove to Winter Park. Let's say this. The amount of shaft working and ball cupping that these retards do is astounding. I paraphrase here, but it was something close to "I just had to rush down from Maple Grove to see him drive by me for two seconds and give the fans a wave. That's all I needed to see to know he was with us this year" and "He's Brett Favre, he's just our saviour, he's going to take us to the promised land of a Super Bowl". .... Fuck you, you fucking fuck. No trillion dollar athlete cares what the fuck you think, and he doesn't give a shit about Minnesota. He's no savior either. THAT'S PURPLE JESUS AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT. Think about it; Favre never would have even come here if Peterson wasn't on the team. Get that through your skulls, you racists.
That sense of forebodding is the Vikings season, by the way: With all that said, none of this matters. Why? Because 2010 has 2005 written all over it. Expectations are fucking higher than John David Booty, the schedule is just as difficult, and the fans are just as blindly dumb as before. My wife pretty much called it when she anticipated that the season would go like this:
"It'll be a rollercoaster with Favre, up and down, win some lose some, and then he'll get really good and get people's hopes up, and then he'll get killed and the other guy will screw it all up."
I'll believe it. There is no way that Favre makes it through the entire year. And with the schedule as difficult as it is, a real cause for concern was brought up when people started wondering what the team would have to do if a Favre led team starts of 1-3 or 1-4. Collinsworth said you ride Brett Favre until you're absolutely eliminated from the playoffs. I don't entirely disagree with that, but I'd give him his shit head start and then put TarVar in and tell him to run around and just kill the clock, hoping that we return a defensive touchdown or something.
God I am not looking forward to this season already.
Tweets O' the Game: As usual, we scour Twitter during the game to track down the best, worst, or most embarrassing Tweets from fans and media alike to post the next day. So what stupid shit was said? Well let's look, by starting with the national feeling on this game from KSK's xmasape:
Hurricane Katrina highlights are the lead-in to Favre's preseason debut. It's a crescendo of depression on NBC tonight.
Truth be told, I kept off the channel until the moment the grandfather clock struck 7:00 PM, so I wasn't really paying attention until then. I try not to watch any of the network produced bull shit, but I at least get the feeling that everyone else was looking forward to a great preseason game! Speaking of networks, here is follower karleecupcake's take:
Cris Collinsworth is a babe. #IWentThere
Sick. Collinsworth? The guy has a vagina neck, and looks retiree tan. However. Maybe I'm just not very good at picking out attractive looking men (thank god), but I will say that Andrea Kramer is doing something right this year as opposed to years past, when it was difficult to not turn to stone when viewing her in HD. Maybe NBC learned photoshop skills on the fly. Also, from the KFAN twitter feed comes this little nugget about some sideline antics:
Adrian Peterson and Eric Bieniemy had to be seperated on the sidelines... Arguing about blitz pick-up
As they should have been, because on Favre's sack Peterson got absolutely punked on picking up Patrick Willis on the blitz. I don't get why Peterson is so stupid in this area. You run to a hole, stand there, and even if you cut some guys feet out from under him, that's better than what he's done up to this point in his career. Makes so little sense. Anyway, to finish these Tweets off, I wanted to give a sampling, in a vacuum, of the Favre ball washing that is going on, on a night that he went 1-1 for 13 yards, and got the pain pills sacked out of him. Starting with SkolVikes26, some unabashed man love:
I love you Brett.
He actually bothered to write that. From jarnoldisnotemo comes this harrowing Twitter tale:
Someone on fbook just commented that Favre "is not not someone to be hated." He's not a Vikings fan. There are people out there like this.
I would have killed him where he stood. And finally, after a entire night of ineptitude comes MNVikingsGuy:
Come at Favre bitches. Bring it the fuck on and he'll rip your heart out. This man is a warrior.
It's amazing what you can type with a dick in your mouth.
Keep the Tweets coming, during the week and during the games, and we'll try to get you featured here. If this turns into a larger item, we'll probably move it to it's own feature later in the week, because my god ... It appears we'll never run out of people talking about retarded shit. Don't forget to follow us for our own retarded shit, too.
A losing haiku for an ugly loss:
"Say your prayers, my Son.
Now we have Purple Jesus,
And the Black Tebow."
Enjoy the week of Favre ball washing, friends. Keep checking in with us. Don't forget to follow out Facepage, Twitter, and email us with any sexy requests you may have. When we get enough we'll do a super fun Mail Dump! Hurray!