Oh, amazing. The Green Bay Packers glove slapped the cheek of the Minnesota Vikings Monday night, 45-7. Big deal. That's like kicking a kid when he's down, losing your virginity to your cousin, or playing the 2011 Vikin ... Oh. You get what I'm saying. One thing that the Packer's apparently AREN'T very good at? Video games. HURRAY INDOOR KIDS!
So the banner picture is obviously not Minnesota's favorite punter Chris Kluwe, but he ties in here eventually, don't worry. It's also not the devil, although it certainly looks like him, too. No, It's Purple Jesus who - as we alluded to yesterday - has been busy promoting the new video game which came out yesterday Assassin's Creed: Revelations (PS, it's awesome!). Part of the promotion included the commercials and interview from the other post, but it also included a night of video game competition between the Vikings and the Packers. And oh yeah, we whooped some ass.
Four Vikings - including Purple Jesus, Chris Kluwe, Joe Webb, and what looks like Toby Gerhart - played a group of moron Packers and kicked their idiot ass. Watch the video and tell me which team looks better. Maybe the group that has four large ass HD TVs in a hopping bar or ... the home of BJ Raji that has white walls, a grey couch, and one dude hanging out outside of the players. *yawn* Clearly we're better.
We're also better because we won, handidly. Says Purple Jesus in an ESPN article on this game:
- Peterson laughs at the notion, telling me that after destroying the Packers in the video game, he's going to find a way to rub it in to Raji and crew on the field. "Oh yeah, you know I'll find a way to bring it up," says Peterson. "It's us competing against each other in a different form, but if I get the opportunity on the field, I'll bring it up."
Ohhh ... well, I'm sure he was pretty quiet on the field, but that doesn't matter. The fact that Kluwe came in and basically taught all these other guys how to be Master Assassin's is fantastic. Here, you can even see him killing someone himself while coaching Joe Webb for a kill:
Perfect. I asked Kluwe how it all went on Twitter, and he also had this to say:
For those who don't know, the game mode he is referencing is a manhunt, free-for-all mode where everyone kills everyone. Apparently when the dust settled, the Vikings consistently came out on top (sex joke), 1-2-3-4. BOOM. That's how we roll.
That and losing on the football field, but you know. Whatever. Good work, Kluwe.
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I also like to imagine Kluwe acting as Commander General of his three man war machine in that picture of him directing Webb to a kill. He's probably smart and tactful enough that he was killing someone on his own screen while directing Webb, talking approach strategies with Purple Jesus, and offering moral support to that noob Gerhart. And he still came out ranked #1. BOSS.
Totally PWNED those noobs...
GREEN BAY - SUPERBOWL CHAMPS
MINNESOTA - WNBA CHAMPS; VIDEO GAME CHAMPS
Clearly Minnesota 2; Green Bay 1. We win... end of story.
@PJD We'll overlook the fact that Kluwe gives up a lot of punt return TDs. Like, a LOT. But he can literally do everything else in life and is a god among men. So whatever, no worries.
@MikeFromWinnipeg Also "Not having sex with sisters/animals" give us 3 wins I think.
Ok... clearly it's because he kicks the ball so far and so fast that our inbred special teamers can't run down the field fast enough. Even if they could, which they can't, they wouldn't even know what to do. Tackle Devin Hester? Shake his hand? Ask for his autograph?
I mean, Everson Griffin was our GUNNER against the Packers. What kind of sick joke was that? Kluwe must have been weeping with every punt.
@PJD Plus winning the Stuper Bowl just makes for higher expectations and a smaller margin of error the upcoming seasons.
@PJD Oh, no doubt. Clearly our state is infinitely better. When is the last time the Brewers won the World Series? Both our basketball teams suck donkey balls, but only one of them has Kevin Love and RICKY RUBIO (STUD).
@PJD Agreed... ugh it was tough watching the game Monday when the panned to the crowd. How can there be so many ugly people in one place at one time. Ponder must have feared for his life.
@PJD I am not one to argue with that.
@CollegeWolf I prefer a life/team with the lowest expectations possible. It's almost impossible to disappoint then!