If only it were that easy, to pass from the world and let the Vikings finger your butt one last time in a teasing fashion, just to piss you off. But instead, you get to live through another ... what ... ten games of this action diarrhea still this season? Jesus. Death would be so much more rewarding. And by judging the tone from the Tweet fest on Sunday night, there are many, many people who feel that way, especially @Qommie who produced this lovely image you see at the top:
God lord we are a terrible team with terrible fans in a terrible city with tears that taste like vinegar and bath water. And there's tons of us. So let's get to the Tweets and see just how bad it got!
We start with the most popular blogging Vikings fan on the internet (no, not PJD *blush*) @drewmagary who pretty much knew what we were all getting into on a prime-time Sunday night football game:
The worst part about this is that your cousin is fat, sweats down the back of his (or her?) neck all night long, and can't set her feet to pivot correctly in a simple box step. This leads to her (him?) dipping you too close to the ground, scraping your head on the filthy gym floor instead of gracefully swinging in stride, and, oh yeah, you're dancing with your f*cking cousin at promIHATEYOUDONOVANMCNABB! Boy, I was so wrong on this guy, about as wrong as I was on Darko. I officially am not licensed to make any sports player projections for the rest of my life.
Next, @rjrat84 chimed in with an astute Berrian observation:
Aw, yes, that explains it. The football, PERSONIFIED! However, I think he DID end up with five catches or something, many of which came after McFat went out of the game. Coincidence? Could Berrian have been right all along? Has he always been open?! Hahaha, of course not, he's a horrible football player and likely a simple minded and terrible person when the camera isn't on him, so I hope people never forget his recent internet fiasco, just because it makes him and others look bad. NEVER FORGET!
Everyone's favorite rando Star Tribuner, @RandBall, took a bit of a pop culture spin on the evening:
Oooo, that'd be sweet. And then the did another turn and Phil Loadholt's massive frame turned into two chicks playing water volleyball on top of each others shoulders, and then another turn and Big Leslie turned into Mike Tomlin, and then one more, and the entire Vikings team turned into the Patriots, Lions, or Packers. That would be fantastic. All because of Bud Light Lime! With a twist of lime and winning football, dudes!
Finally, as the game REALLY started to get out of control, we saw some great rage-Tweets like this one from @drewlange:
You can tell he's really upset because he used all caps on a Blackberry, no less. However, it was justified. The Bears are f*cking terrible and the Vikings made them look like they should be going back to the NFC Championship game. No one wants that, not even Bears fans. And yet, the entire NFL fan base had to suffer for one night (well, really for a week as Bears fans get all excited about beating a team full of dumb clones) because of our teams' mishaps. I ... I am embarrassed, fans. I apologize and promise I will rectify this by placing an angel food cake in the middle of 494 outside of Winter Park to lure McNabb to his death.
Another Tweeter, @ajhansel, actually came up with a brilliant idea during all of the chaos:
Ohhhooohohoho! Naughty! The obvious flaw in this plan is that if you were really dressed up as McNabb there would be no candy to throw at the kids by the time they got to your door, even if they came early at like ... 11:15 AM. I do like the mental picture of McNabb throwing candy at the feet of children running away crying though. And maybe he's crying too, just for good measure, since he sucks. It just, makes, sense.
Finally, as Ponder made his appearance in the game, Twitter became re-engaged and wanted to see what this noise was all about. Ooo! The rook! He's going to set the world on fire! Or that's what some people thought, according to @AndrewBucholtz:
This is a legitimate question. Flying cars and transporters. And laser sounds .. Ptew, ptew! Yeah. The other problem with this? Think about how many times this has been said for any rookie quarterback that has entered a game for a veteran in the NFL. "Here comes Brady Quinn, the future of the Cleveland Browns!" Oops. "Vince Young takes the field for the Titans! They'll be set for the next 15 years!" ... aaahhhh ... "Finally, Aaron Rodgers makes his start and ..." Oh, wait. Shit. Nevermind. But you get the point here. McNabb is starting next week, everyone put your britches back on, Al Michaels knock it off.
To wrap it all up, @VikingAgeDan brings us home:
And that's all you really need to know.
This week's "ReTweet of the Game," the featured Tweet from the HILARIOUS Twitter account of @PJDiaries, comes courtesy of three followers (@CollegeWolf, @Swanny530, and @jessicann713) who decided to charm my pants off by retweeting the following:
That one wasn't even that funny. I'm pretty sure there was a solid racist tweet somewhere in that black out session. Wonder why it didn't get much attention ...
Anyway, join us again next week as we get to fight with Packer fans all day long on Twitter. It will inevitably lead to some kind of insignificant pissing match, and I for one am very excited. Make sure to come back here then next week for the glorious recap. In the meantime follow us on Twitter, check us out on Facebook, and leave comments whenever you can because I asked you kindly, OK? Let's do this again next week!
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We are the worst team ever and I hate them all. Except AP, Percy, and Jared Allen (sometimes, when he's not being a gigantic gaping vag.)