OK, well, this first Tweet doesn't have much to do with the topic of this post. Instead, it just goes to show how much cooler Jim Schwartz is than Big Leslie. Or Brad Childress, for that matter. Probably not as cool as Mike Tomlin, though. Just so we're all on the same page there. Seriously, any coach that drives into a game listening to Metallica to get himself pumped is pretty awesome. Kid Rock? Eh, maybe kind of a douche, but that likely does explain the white streak in his hair. I admittedly don't know who Armored Saint is, but after listening to the listed song on YouTube I decided I MUST ILLEGALLY DOWNLOAD ALL OF THEIR DISCOGRAPHY IMMEDIATELY! Coolest damn coach ever.
What about our coach? I don't know, no one cares. What people DO care about is apparently giving our only good players several different nicknames. I'm not sure why this was such a hot topic this week, or why it jumped out to me as it did, but here we are. Deal with it:
To start, @thevikingpig made a comment that wasn't particularly funny by any means, rather, informative! But what stuck was his nickname for Percy:
Have we used that one a lot? Have you? I haven't. I feel like it's too easy, perhaps even lazy, as far as nicknames go. Sir Smokes Alot I've heard that I'm pretty bored with, and this one. I guess I like Purple Haze better than the other options, because Jimmy Hendrix is cool, bro. *neener-neener-neener* That's my guitar sound.
Next, our favorite NFL robot @CLEATUSonFOX chimed in with this witty observation:
Ooooo! ICEBURN!! A snarky robot that rips on the Vikings? I want to tell this worthless piece of crap to go f*ck a smelter, to walk slow under a junk yard magnet, to slow through a terrible rusting process, to go star in a Hugh Jackman robot fighting movie. For years you have ruined my TV experience by always being present, juggling footballs, pretending your a tough a charismatic television graphic without realizing it's 2011 and not 1993 anymore. Except ... this year? You've been ... subdued. I've only ever seen Cleatus do two poses. 1) Prepare to drop his shield on the left side of the screen and then 2) drop his shield on the left side of the screen. He also looks sleeker and shows less movement. Which is all good, because everything else about him sucks. The one thing that doesn't? His Twitter account is frustratingly followable, and he is slowly working his way onto my good side. Interesting PR move, NFL. Very smart. Almost TOO smart, considering how shitty you're running this league recently. Regardless? Percy would RUIN YOUR SHIT, robot, so shut your mouth.
Perhaps more troubling than a super stupid robot is this tweet from @DarrenWolfson:
Jesus. I think this one was posted right after Abdullah slowly walked a twirled a cane behind Greg Olsen streaking down the field for a touchdown. Listen, there are a TON of issues on this Vikings team, no doubt about that. Defensive tackle, offensive tackle, offensive guard, offensive center, every linebacker position, cornerback depth from top to bottom, a white running back, but if you're not objectively putting safety at the top of your list I might hate you. Our safeties are ... so ... bad. So bad I wish Madieu Williams and Dwight Smith were back there. At least that would be a subtle battle between heaven and hell right on our own team. I don't know what safety prospects are out there at the top of the second round (where we need to probably get one), but holy christ, this had better be addressed in the off-season or Big Leslie should be witch hunted. ... Can I say that? Is that racist? I don't know.
KFAN's own @jgkfan chimed in with an observation I had as well on Ponder and Musgrave's play-calling:
Zing!Butreallywhatthehellman. Two broken plays in a row? That was embarrassing and emasculating, just as a fan. I can only imagine what Purple Jesus was feeling out there. On the plus side, Ponder didn't end up taking a 15 yard sack on either of those plays (no on the one where he fell to the turf and BARELY got the ball to Purple Jesus), and actually showed some Master's Level critical thinking skills by just taking off and minimizing the damage to the drive. That's why you go to FSU, I guess!
Back to the nickname thing, @VikingsFanPage offered a new one I hadn't heard this week:
Upon first read, I thought it was incredibly stupid. The Killer P's? What, are we just having grade children put together our nicknames now by having them try to name their recess gangs? GTFO. However, upon second read I still felt it was something I would never used if I wanted to not have my testicles kicked through my throat, but rather gave it a grudging nod of respect (maybe not even respect ... acknowledgement, perhaps) to the Wu-Tang Clan reference. What can I say? I got a soft spot for the Wu. "WE ON A STORM!"
Wrapping up the nicknames, I DO think I can get behind this suggestion from @MaruggiAlbert:
Yesssssss! Who doesn't love a good old fashioned illegal PondiScheme? Right up my alley.
To wrap this all up, we look at this week's "ReTweet of the Game," which is always one of PJD's tweets that have been retweeted by the now 700 followers on Twitter. That's right, 700. I am assuming most of these are porn-bots and accounts that were used once in November 2009 to forever be left vacant. The internet is a weird place sometimes. This week's retweet comes courtesy mainly of @GenuineMillar28, who made me feel like just the prettiest lady at the ball, but was also selected because it received the most responses as well, thanks to @Jayeluu and @chaddecker2108:
So stupid it's SMART!
Join us next week as we ... probably ... won't have ... Tweets of the game ........ because of the bye week. Uh ... but maybe we will just of other NFL games and other funny NFL shit that goes on. Yeah, that seems like a plan. In the meantime follow us on Twitter, check us out on Facebook, and leave comments whenever you can because you are a good person, despite what that bitch of a girlfriend told you. I BELIEVE IN YOU.
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JUST... as I was maybe starting to accept our quiet, show no emotion head coach, I read that Jim Schwartz listens to Metallica on the way to games?! Oh Mr. Frazier, I'm trying, I really am. When I see other coaches running down the field like they're involved in the play, or getting in the face of a player or an official when something idiotic is done, I think to myself, "Wow, I actually miss Dennis Green". I'll try to stay patient. In the meantime though I think I'll go put on my kids Clone Wars costume, steal some candy, grab a couple shots of Crown Royal and go watch Amelia on wcco. Amelia on one channel, Lindsay Soto of NFL network on another channel, wow, my afternoon is set. I might have some issues but it's too late for me now. Neeeeener-neeeener-neeeener. That was beautiful.
@CollegeWolf Pondexter is my favorite too...
@Qommie It's a defense mechanism.
@CollegeWolf maybe Pagac could try implementing it.