We Say Yes: Don't believe me? Look at the other teams in the NFL right now; St. Louis, the Colts, Miami and Kansas City. Do you believe any of them even having a blind retards chance of making the playoffs? The Rams ... MAYBE ... because the NFC West is an abortion, but that's it. The season is completely toast for these teams. And why should the Vikings be any different, especially in a legit conference which holds the Super Bowl champs? Naw, seasons over, ladies. Enjoy the Lynx championship and wait for the Wild to disappoint you in month one as well.
If you WANT some kind of a recap on this however, let me offer this. What the Vikings managed to do on Sunday was somehow both predictable, devastating, deflating, depressing, amazing, awesome, hilarious, inspired, dumbfounding, shocking, and completely "Viking" in the end. A 20-point lead going into the half, having completely dominated the opposing team on your home field, only to let it all slip away in the third and fourth quarters (and overtime, I suppose) through shitting play calling, horrible quarterback performance, atrocious line-play, a defense playing scared, and LETTING GOD DAMN TYRELL JOHNSON BACK ON THE FIELD WHY WAS HE NOT SUSPENDED AFTER DRINKING AND DRIVING LAST WEEK NOW WE REWARD THAT TYPE OF BEHAVIOR?!
This team has some serious issues which will not be solved this year, or by Christian Ponder, and the entire thing needs to be blown up and moved to Los Angeles. Get it over with.
Mushroom Stamp of Disapproval: Who do you even blame when this buffoonery happens three games in a row? Is it Fred Pagac? Does he not make any defensive adjustments at half time? Is it Musgrave? Does he just get stymied in the second half when the defense adjusts to his protection schemes? I don't know or care, and hindsight is always 20/20, but this loss falls on Frazier. The fourth quarter, fourth down call to go for it was the last straw and cemented the entire teams poor coaching philosophy. He's letting the inmates run the asylum now because he's too afraid of losing more games. Maybe he's just a sweet soul and wants to trust these jack offs that they'll do what they practiced, play like the have some neurons firing, and not F it all up in the B for a third straight game. If Big Leslie has learned anything from the early start to this season though, it's that you can't trust ANYONE. NOBODY. Not even Purple Jesus, because even when he waves off the kicking unit when you know you need three points that ultimately would have won you the game, he's actually just doing it not because he wants to get the first down and win the game for you, but because he's TESTING you, your faith, your patience, YOUR SOUL, and you failed. He trolled you, man, and now the only thing to do is pray to him for forgiveness and hope that Zygi's Jewish deity doesn't declare to him that he should fire your ass right now, because you are the one responsible for this team, and what we've seen so far isn't very encouraging.
Starting Job Loss Watch: With performances like this, something needs to change, someone's head needs to roll. If Big Leslie is smart, he'll start by making an example out of someone that should be playing well (hence, a starter) and demoting his ass to the back of the line like they just tried to cut in front of the fat kid at the school lunch line. Who will it be? We're going to start a running list here in the game reviews until it actually happens, so help us keep an eye out. So far we have:
1. EJ Henderson - A surprise on this list perhaps, but he's looked slow and out of position this year, and as a cemented veteran having him lose his starting spot would send fear through the rest of the team.
2. Steve Hutchinson - I actually don't know if he's been playing poorly or not, and frankly don't give a shit. He's making like a trillion dollars a snap, and he should be getting holding calls.
3. McDonovan - This seems like the obvious solution. QB play is retarded, sooooo, fix the retard by letting him play with broken glass on the sidelines. At least Joe Webb could run the football better for us, and he might actually have a better deep ball.
4. Bertrand Booty - Why he's still playing, at all, on the team or in the NFL, is beyond me, but he hasn't done a single thing in three games which is pretty amazing.
Are you expecting someone to lose their job? Let us know in the comments who. It'll be like a fun office pool of hate until it happens!
But Did you Notice ...: Uh, Chris Cook did .... well. Yes, he got burned by possibly the best active receiver in the NFL on a long ball, but he was still draped all over that robots back during that touchdown catch and made up for it by preventing AT LEAST two other touchdowns. That was ... encouraging, and quite frankly, I'm not sure how to interpret these new developments. Can Cook actually develop into something that doesn't look like ass cancer? Is he more than just a warm body during an Eyes Wide Shut orgy? His full body extension pass deflection was, seriously, jaw dropping. You see any other cornerback in the NFL make that play, not knowing his history of sucking as a rookie and having two bionic knees, and you're like "Damn, that kid looks like a stud." That's what I felt in my pants for a split second before I remembered who number 31 was, but hey, it's something. I'm not sitting here wishing he would choke on his toothbrush, so we'll take these baby step improvements as they happen. Good for you Chris, good for you.
Sucking for Luck Watch: Well, it is officially on now. The Suck for Luck campaign is kicking into high gear and I am GOD DAMN excited for it. The reality of this is that even if the Vikings don't end up with the number one pick, we're still going to end up with a top five one, most likely, which equals a very, very good player. Do you know who is probably available in the top five of the NFL Draft next year? According to WalterFootball.com right now, we're looking at getting either Andrew Luck, Matt Kalil (outstanding USC OT), Matt Barkley (awesome USC doucher of a QB), Justin Blackmon (Best WR in the nation from Okie State) or Landry Jones, a top DE, Alshon Jeffreys or another stud OT. We can't lose! I'm almost more excited for that than anything. But back to what's important, Andrew Luck, here is where things currently stand based off of WalterFootball, Sunday's results, and a little bit of my speculation:
4. St. Louis
All three of these other teams are dangerous in the pursuit of Luck. The Colts and Chiefs would obviously take him, and the Rams would likely trade him to the highest bidder. Now, it's early. It's week three. We're talking draft, already. The Rams and their fans aren't. They know they are better than that and will end up no where close to the number one pick. The other three listed here very well might, however. Next week is a BIG week in #Suck4Luck, as the Vikings head to the KC to play the Chiefs in what may be a defining game. Can we lose it? I absolutely think we can, and am going to be pulling for a loss. Won't you join me?
A Losing Haiku for a Bunch of Failures:
"Twenty to zero?
Once this was Titanic news.
Now we're sitting swell."
Make sure to follow the process of the lowly 2011 Vikings right here, especially tomorrow as we feature the Tweets O' the Game (the melt down was FANTASTIC!) and lots more. See you then.
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What scares me the most now is that some moron in the Vikes organization will say, "Come on guys it's not so bad. Hey I know, let's change it up this Sunday and wear the purple pants!" (Cock gargle gargle) Remember in Slap Shot when Paul Newman was banging an opposing players wife who turned out to be a dyke? Then all the boys started to wonder since she was a dyke does that make her husband a fag? That kind of applies here. If the Vikes run out on the field looking like they enjoy cock does that mean us as fans have to enjoy cock too? Somebody please clarify this for me. I need to know if I'm sticking with beer on Sunday or if it's a gin and coolers day. I sure as hell hope it doesn't come to a purple pants scenario. Old unis the rest of the way. If we're gonna suck balls, let's doing it looking good.
Bears and Packers fans enjoy cock. I'm sure they'd know what to drink with a dildo in their hand. I'll go check out their blogs.
Season over after 3 games? The season was over for the ViQueens after the lockout ended...
We most definitely CAN lose to the Chiefs next week! It's on the road and Arrowhead is a tough place to play. I love our chances at not winning!
If there is anything good to have come out of this game, it is the following:
1) Throwback uniforms! Please abort the current ones and stick with these for the rest of the year. If we can't win (and we can't) at least we can look good losing
2) Cook. If we can actually have a serviceable CB corps, then we could actually be decent again at defense (if we get one more decent linebacker and/or defensive lineman)
3) Suck4Luck - we are totally in the driver's seat for this one. Both the Chiefs and Colts actually played down to the wire against the Chargers and Steelers. We already know what we can do against the Chargers (39 passing yards), and we would get blown away by the Steelers. And, as you said, the Rams are better than their 0-3 record indicates (they had an hellish first three weeks), and they are in the NFC West, which for a decent team like them is worth a minimum of 3 wins extra.
Yes indeed, things are looking up for the (2012) Vikings!
I'm pulling so damn hard for every vikings loss now. i am actually really optimistic about the future. let's play ponder and see what he's got. if he looks decent sweet! if not, fuck him and run at luck. if ponder looks ok we can draft the best reciever out there 3rd or 4th. maybe get an o line guy or safty with the second round pick. im excited.
PLEASE VIKINGS PLEASE, do not start trying to right the ship and talk playoffs. it's not going to fucking happen so just keep losing. the worst thing we can do is go 6-10 or 8-8. i'll puke if we start winning. put in ponder and let's ride this shit to 0-16. GOOOOOO KANSAS CITY!!!
The Vikings losing week after week is almost worth it to see some grown ass men freak out on twitter. If anyone really expected the Vikings to do anything this year they are clearly a hopeless rube that cannot be argued with.
The penalties, my god, how long have these guys been playing football and they don't know how to restrain themselves when a game is on the line! As you mentioned, I was impressed with Chris Cook multiple times during the game, but assumed Winfield cloned himself, put on a #31 jersey while the real Cook was tied up in a back room somewhere.
Did they happen to show the 2 semi-fights that broke out away from the action on TV? When Aromashodu was getting jumped by a Lion (don't remember his name) on a punt, the first person to roll up to the scene and defend his teammate was our fearless punter. The Lions player backed off, like shit, I'm not fucking Kluwe.
@VikesPrincess An inappropriate oversight. Will update for next week, but was trying to go for the "Not super obvious and realistic" options.
@Lakeville Mikey I totally forgot to highlight the throwbacks, but yes, that was the only respectable thing about Sunday. I also heard the Vikes will wear them once more this season, so we can suck at least not once more.
@lockout2011 There is no reason to NOT play Pondexter and (hopefully) lose games. Perhaps we find out that Pondexter is good and we don't need Luck (extremely unlikely)... but then we could draft the best player available at a different position. (Blackmon = SEXY TIME!)
Or Ponder sucks, we lose all our games, and get Luck.
Sounds like a win-win situation to me.
@Qommie I don't blame the Lions player. I wouldn't fuck Kluwe either.
@Qommie "I'm not fucking Kluwe." .... Did you... Was that what was really happening? Man sex on the field?
They didn't really show any of the fights, no, but I did see that aftermath of Kluwe coming in and defusing the situation with his cool demeanor. The TV morons were decent enough to show that.
@PJD I did a similar breakdown on my blog - but I went through the whole team with my machete! :)
@Qommie Ok, I lied. I have thought about it before.
@PJD WITH, fucking WITH Kluwe.
Whatever, like you guys never thought about it either.
@VikesPrincess Well deserved. Like Crocodile Dundee to ... a ... Crocodile?
@VikesPrincess Preaching to the choir, sister.