OH MY DAYUM!
Ever since Chris Kluwe delivered the now-infamous Gangnam Style celebration dance during last Friday's forgettable game against the Chargers, it got Purple Jesus Diaries to thinking about all of the different and endearing celebrations this team has accumulated. Kluwe's may be the new hottness, but don't forget about the old and busted (and tried and true!). We wouldn't let you, anyway.
So today, we're taking a look at five of the most popular football celebrations from CURRENT Vikings players. "Current" is the optimal word here, because we don't cover Daunte Culpepper's Roll On, even though we could, even though that would easily destroy the competition. And I'm not sure if Fred Smoot officially had a move or not, but if he did I'm sure it involved double ended dildos.
Anyway, on to the competition!
We have selected five of the top football celebration moves from current Vikings and have graded each one, announcing an official winner at the end. We'd love to hear your take on the grades in the comment section, particularly if we missed a notable one that you think should have been considered over one of these five. But for now, on to the analysis:
Player: Adrian Peterson, aka, Purple Jesus
Move Name: No official name, but it's essentially just high steppin' LIKE A BAWS into the endzone and then kneeling on the ground and pointing to the sky to thank his father.
Occurs When: After he gives the opposing defenses a golden shower and stomps his way in for a touchdown like he could care less that he pushed your pregnant wife down the stairs.
Modeled After: All the greats. LT would do a high step into the endzone but then end with a ball flip. Purple Jesus goes down to his knees and thanks the lord. Many others have been flashy like this too, but in a non-condescending way, which is what Purple Jesus pulls off, because he's just so PURE.
Overall Grade: How are you going to mock a celebration by a god? Or at least God's Son. I give this a solid B for both execution and timelessness.
Player: Percy Harvin, aka, Sir Smokes Alot
Move Name: Again, no official name, but it looks like a mix between a crucifix pose and Maximus getting all bad ass. Or maybe it's neither, and is just Percy standing there wondering where is victory "cigar" is.
Occurs When: Harvin waltzes into the endzone because the defender is too stupid and slow to catch him to prevent a touchdown.
Modeled After: Again, likely the crucifix or the Maximus. Maybe we could name it the Crucimus? Maxifex? Ooooo, I like that.
Overall Grade: C+. He just stands there, and I would be totally abashed if he instead pretended to "cash out" his bowl instead every time. That'd be priceless.
Player: Jared Allen, aka, The Broken Mullet
Move Name: The Wrangler? The Lasso? The Cattle Roper?
Occurs When: Allen gets a sack on an opposing quarterback, wrasslin' that boy to the ground like a baby calf!
Modeled After: The ancient country man tradition of lassoing a young calf, tying it's feet together to stop it from squirming, and then throwing your arms up to present your trophy. NOT to have sex with it later, OK?
Overall Grade: A solid celebration. It's easy for fat and stupid Vikings fans to model when they're at the tailgate. Probably less easy to actually do, you know, in real life.
Player: Christian Ponder, aka, Shirtless Ponder
Move Name: The Gun Fingaz. And it has to be spelled with an "az" at the end, too, or the joke of it all is LOST.
Occurs When: So far we've only seen it once after Ponder has thrown a touchdown. That's probably appropriate. It wouldn't make sense after he throws an interception, you know?
Modeled After: I believe he has gone on record saying he's modeled it after Shooter McGavin in Happy Gilmore. Any other explanation is unacceptable, so I'm just going to go with that.
Overall Grade: A+. I love this celebration dance more than I love Girls in Yoga Pants. And I love that god damn website. Ponder will always have a place in my heart because of this move.
Player: Chris Kluwe, aka, Chris Warcraft
Move Name: The Gangnam Style
Occurs When: I don't really know. I guess when Kluwe bombs a punt? Although I think he should do this after every successful field goal snap handled as well.
Modeled After: The Korean pop singer Park Jae Sung. Park danced in an odd style during a music video this past summer which was eventually dubbed "Gangham Style" after an affluent neighborhood in Seol, because it was so outrageous and extravagant. The video - and his dancing in particular - hit the internet like a bunch of angry nerds upon hearing the Anne Hathaway casting news. It reached meme status shortly thereafter, until it pretty much went public with Kluwe using the style as a celebration. In shot, it's been an amazing trip.
Overall Grade: I love this dance, and it has tons of potential, but I personally give it an A. Which means ...
Your 2012 Minnesota Vikings Celebration Dance-Off winner is ... CHRISTIAN PONDER with his Gun Fingaz! What can I say? I'm a sucker for '90s nostalgia.
Congrats to all the contestants, and let us know what you think in the comments. Agree? Disagree? More GIFs to share? Did we miss someone? Let us know.
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I'm only cheering for the Vikings to score touchdowns this season so I can see more Gun Fingaz. I believe there was a mini, modified version during the last pre-season game, but it wasn't very fulfilling. Christian, I need more from ya, buddy.
@CollegeWolf I got bad news for you ...