PJD's Game 12 Recap: Stop Wasting Adrian Peterson's Career, I Beg You
Adrian Peterson:
Eric Dickerson. Jim Brown. Barry Sanders. Earl Campbell. Edgerrin James. Before Sunday, this was the collection of youngest NFL players to rush for 8,000 yards in their career. That's pretty good company. REAL damn good company. Green Bay couldn't even have a wet dream to an NFL running back like that. But you know what? The Vikings could, and the Vikings can, thanks to another magic trick by Adrian Peterson. In the game the Vikings played against the Packers on Sunday, Peterson ran 21 times for 210 yards, averaged 10 yards per carry, scored one touchdown, recorded his career long NFL rush with an 82 yard scamper where he broke out to the right, ripped through two or three tackles, told the Packers to eat a bag of feces, and rumbled in for a score to put the Vikings up 14-10, AND he set the Vikings' team record of six straight games of rushing for 100 yards or more. And, by the end of the day, you were able to add Adrian Peterson's name along with Dickerson, Brown, Sanders, Campbell, and James. AND THE VIKINGS STILL MANAGED TO LOSE THE F*CKING GAME.
I hate it. I hate this team so god damn much. I hate that the only way the team can get within a mummer's fart of winning is to have Peterson rush for over 200 yards, and even then it's not good enough. I hate that this stupid god damn team makes Peterson sit back in retrospect afterwards and say, on the record, that he should have done more to try and win the game. ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW. THE BEST RUNNING BACK IN THE NFL, POSSIBLY EVER, IS SAYING HE SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE BECAUSE OUR SHIT STAIN OF A TEAM AND QUARTERBACK COULD ONLY MANAGE 149 OTHER YARDS DESPITE HAVING THE BEST FOOTBALL PLAYER, LIKE EVER, DRAWING ATTENTION AWAY FROM YOU.
I'm done. Fire everyone. Move the team to LA. Or keep everyone and trade Peterson. I can't watch this crucifixion all over again. He deserves better, even if we don't.
Mushroom Stamp of Disapproval:
Welp, Christian Ponder, I am officially done with your stupid ass. Your huge brain must be filled with Master's Degree knowledge, because you sure as hell aren't retaining anything remotely close to football information in that diarrhea bowl on your neck. Your stupid f*cking interceptions every single game, your inability to stand in a pocket and read through your progressions, and your sissy scrambling are enough to make me want to glue a shirt to your chest hair permanently. I don't give two flying f*cks if you do have the worst receiving core in the league. Peyton Manning and Tom Brady have thrown to WHITE receivers their whole careers, and you can't find a single player on your roster open? You want to throw across your body in the red zone? You want to keep throwing three yards out? FUCK YOU. You don't deserve any of this. You have receivers out on the field where a defender is limp wristing his hand towards them because he KNOWS you can't hit him, and then just looking for wherever the running back is, and you STILL can't do shit with it. Get out. You're done. I hope you get hemorrhoids. Honestly. I hope they suck, too, and make your ass bleed every time you wipe, and then they break out while you're wearing white pants in a game and bleed through and you get embarrassed, and the blondie girlfriend from ESPN dumps your ass because you have a bleeding asshole. You deserve it. Throw a f*cking completion, you dick.
I AM JUST SO MAD I CAN'T EVEN DO TOPIC HEADINGS:
Honestly, there is so much about this game that makes me mad, and the general state of the Vikings, that I can't even form coherent thoughts right now, so I'm just going to cop out and bullet-point my way to the end of this thing, and hope I don't finish with an "I HATE ALL OF YOU AND HOPE YOU SL;DKFJAS;HF;ASKJDFK!!"
- I think Kyle Rudolph gets it. We can keep him around. Anyone who does a Lambeau Leap in Lambeau from the opposing team, or faux-moons the Green Bay crowd, is OK in my book.
- Who's the defensive line coach? Fire him and hire a garage door laser sensor. It would do the same good. If ANY one of you crosses the line one more god damn time before a snap of the ball, you lose your testicles. No question. Run to the sideline, guillotine set up, boom, done. Solder the wound and get your piece of shit face back out there and don't do it again.
- If I ever hear a Packer fan complain about the refs I will rip their entrails out with my mouth and strangle them with the remains. Some of those calls were such bullshit that even Joe Buck and Troy Aikman were flabbergasted. And with as big of a prude and company man as Joe Buck is, when he gets upset by some ridiculous shit, you know you FUBARed big time.
- Would you ever would have thought that the Minnesota Timberwolves were the only hope to prevent the Wisconsin Winnings Sports Trifecta this weekend? They beat the Bucks on Friday night while the Badgers prison pumped Nebraska, and the Packers bitch slapped the Vikings. Without the Timberwolves, things would be looking even uglier, and that should be a frightening thought to everyone.
- I'm over Jared Allen, as well. I don't care if he had an injury or not. When did it happen? Last year? When you almost had a sack record? So what's your excuse now? Get out.
- If Leslie Frazier isn't fired this year, along with his entire coaching staff, there is no hope for this team ever. For some odd reason, I'd be willing to keep Spielman around though. His drafting has been ... Acceptable?
- Would Percy Harvin had made a difference? Doubt it. He may have kept it closer, but at what cost? Another ankle injury? Put him on IR. Honestly. It's a wasted season now. We're terrible. Save him for when we can bring Alex Smith or someone in next year. And honestly, the fact that I'm mentioning Alex Smith or even fantasizing about Sage Rosenfels leading this team (because I am) makes me so very sad inside my heart.
- AJ Jefferson ... There's one of these guys every year, isn't there? Christ.
- Honestly, I didn't even watch the game because I was flying back from Florida from a short weekend get away. It was nice. Weather was awesome, like 80 and sunny with just enough of a breeze to keep from getting super hot. I enjoy it a lot. I even finished A Storm of Swords on the plane ride home. Great book. Some real interesting twists in the final 150 pages or so, even the last 80. Can't wait for season three of Game of Thrones to see all, or most, of it. Then, I got home and ate some Pizza Luce, and then watched the mid-season finale of The Walking Dead, which was super bad ass. I can't believe I have to wait until February for new episodes to come back. What a crock. If you can't tell, I'm doing everything I can to try to make us all forget about this piece of turd log football game that was on Sunday. It's not working.
Sad Haiku:
"Oh no, Everson!
You totally sacked me, man!
We best just snuggle."
Yeah, season's over. Maybe the Vikings aren't "mathematically" eliminated from the playoffs yet, but you'd have to drink moonshine on the reg to think the team had any sort of chance to do anything even if they DID make the playoffs. At this point, I'm looking at draft picks, and prepping for another anal insertion from the Bears next week. What a great time to be alive! I hate everything.
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If Purple Jesus rushing for 210 yards can't save this team what the hell is it going to take? I'm willing to offer up human sacrifices starting with the wide receivers.
I think we're so used to stupid penalties that no one even comments on it anymore. I said Sunday it would bother me more on the Packers first drive if I thought they were going to be stopped. The offsides on what would have been a Jared Allen interception was just crushing though. There were a couple of questionable calls, but this game wasn't won by the refs.
@Qommie You're certainly right, the refs didn't screw us in this game, but holy shit, there were some poor calls. If Joe Buck is even surprised by them, you know you done goofed. The roughing the passer call? Get out. Offsides as many times by the defense? Back breaking. What a bunch of shit heads.
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It's T-Jack all over again.. (shudders into fetal position and proceeds to suck thumb)
@BlueViking By 9AM I meant noon, since Ponder engagement news took precedent for the valued page views.
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I have been quietly creeping on your f*cked up blog (GOD I love it!) for a couple years now. Not until the past 2 weeks (yesterday was the death blow) had I thought of commenting on here. #1) F*CK I hate the packers! Can't even use a capitol for their God damn name! Hate! Hate! Hate them and their prepubescent, pornstar quarterback! F*CKERS! #2) F*ck I hate the Vikings! They only deserve a capitol because of AP and his day in and day out heroics. #3) Why can the Vikings NEVER aquire a QB who isn't an absolute waste of DNA? We blow first round picks for guys that aren't even 3rd stringers on 90% of the NFL teams (read T-Jack)! Someone get on the phone and see if Stephen Hawkings would be willing to finish out the season under center. #4) I thought Helen Keller died. I was wrong! She was just languishing as a head coach for the Minnesota Vikings. God Damn it! #5) What has happened to our defensive line? A great game for Jarred Allen is two sacks against one of the worst O-lines in the league?
I wasn't able to watch the game on Sunday as well, thank God! I would have a permanent case of turrets. I was able to keep track with my phone on NFL.com. Some one please help me out if I'm mistaken. Our BEAST of a running back has 210 yrds in 3 quarters and is averaging 10, TEN!! yards a carry. Doesn't get a single carry in the fourth? Ponder has thrown 2 picks in the red-zone and with 2 minutes and change needing 2 scores on 3rd and 3 they pass?! And then on 4th and 3, down 9 points (I'm thinking at this point yeah, they're going to give it to the MAN!) they go for a 47 yard field goal?! I like Walsh but the packers just wore 11 minutes off of the clock. Give it to your running back who had been skull fucking the pack for three quarters!
I said at the beginning of the season (to myself) that if we get 6 wins that I'd be happy. I'm a liar and apparently a f*cked up individual for being a Vikings fan since Tommy Kramer sucked ass in the early 80's. I'm NOT happy with 6 wins. Maybe if 2 came from the packers but.....
I apologize for drinking and posting. Didn't mean to write a novella here, just so tired of mediocrity.... I'm done. Gonna start watching the WNBA. FUCKING HATE THE packers!!
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@ndmover Don't apologize for drinking and posting. That's a prerequisite on this blog. Also it's good to have a hot, young Puerto Rican girl at your disposal. You know, just in case.
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@honkeylips @ndmover Not gonna lie... a confused, young Puerto Rican boy will do - IN A PINCH - as well!
@Hammy1724 @honkeylips @ndmover FYI, I didn't make those rules, but I don't disagree with them either.
@ndmover Hahahahahahahaha AWESOME first comment! Please please please please come back and comment more often.
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And yes, this is a total clusterf*ck of a season... despite the fact that we somehow managed 6 wins already.
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What's left to say? I'm loving what I'm reading here. Mr. PJD is FIRED THE FUCK UP!! Love it! And the comments?! CW and Hammy are laying down some hardcore mother-fucking truth. I got nothing to add. I will tell you this though, I have never sworn so much during a Vikings game as I did yesterday. FUBARed, never read that in the form of a past tense verb. Nice. Fuckin' rights boys, truth got told today.
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Bravo sir, this is some of @PJD at your all-time best. A fantastic recap, and the vitriol is completely 100% deserved. I couldn't have said it any better myself to our ward of Down Syndrome patients that this organization calls a football team.
I honestly, sickeningly feel SOOOOOOOOOOO BAD for AP toiling away on this mushroom cloud of a failed team. In the past, NFL teams were previously something like 58-2 when they had someone that rushed for over 200 yards in a game. They are now 58-3, thanks to the Vikings. That is all you need to say about this week's abortion. Watching poor AP stuck on this team reminds me of KG's last two wasted years here. And that makes me epically sad in he pants.
We need to either trade AP to the Patriots (or really, any good team besides the Packers) so that he doesn't go on a homicidal rampage, or keep him (and I guess) Rudolph and fire/cut/trade/kill everyone else associated with this organization. What a bunch of cock monsters.
Oh wait, I guess we need to say HOW MUCH PONDER SUCKS GIGANTIC ELEPHANTITIS SIZED DONKEY NUTS. As I said waaaaay back when we drafted him, he's not good. He'll never be good. He is a terrible quarterback destined for average-ness (at best!) if he's lucky. Can we just cut him? Or maybe move him to the personal trainer position and only allow him to stand on the field during games if he's shirtless?
Why hasn't Jared Allen been traded for draft picks yet? Isn't he a FA after this year? Or is it after next season?
I think Percy is being held out so that his stats don't pile up and they don't have to pay him. Typical. (Shrug) Not that it matters, because Ponder doesn't know what a wide receiver is anyways.
Who's AJ Jefferson? (Double shrug.)
Storm of Swords is sooooo awesome. Great read. I approve. And the Walking Dead mid-season finale... that was just an orgasm of awesome. I can't believe we have to wait 3 frickin months for more! That's almost as big a travesty as LESSly Fraizer having a Head Coaching job.
Among many other things, this caused a hearty chuckle: "Who's the defensive line coach? Fire him and hire a garage door laser sensor." Bwahahahaha.
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@CollegeWolf When Purple Jesus finally wins a Super Bowl, in his on-field, post-game interview, I want him to yell "This is for 'Sota! And God!"
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Nice Song of Ice and Fire reference. (Good luck with Feast for Crows and Dance with Dragons... they aren't nearly as good as Storm of Swords... which is probably one of the best of the series (except for Game of Thrones). I'm such a nerd)
@Lakeville Mikey Yeah, I hear the rest are slower, but that's OK. As much as I liked all of the "events" in SoS, some of it felt rushed an a bit unneeded from a story telling perspective, but we'll see. If you spoil anything for me though, I will cut you.
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@PJD Does Tyrion turning out to be Ned Starks bastard with Cersei (when she was a child prostitute in a brothel run by Littlefinger and the Spider) count as a spoiler? (Obviously kidding).
Nope no spoilers from me (and honestly, after the big surprises in SoS, there aren't many things to spoil). Feast for Crows and Dance with Dragons are both good (I'm rereading Dance with Dragons right now after having reread the first four)... they're just different.
@Lakeville Mikey You're a real son of a bitch for that spoiler. However, I would DEFINITELY visit that brothel if Cersei was a whore there. I'd give her a little bastard of my own, that would be a total pussy and worthless in a battle.
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And while we're on the subject of whining about refs... I saw Mike McCarthy blow a nut on at least three occasions yesterday early in the game when a call didn't go his team's way. You know what I got from Frazier in those circumstances? The "'Damn! They got us again with this bullshit', head shaking while looking up at the sky but keeping silent because there's no use in complaining" face!!!! And I want to smash it with a shovel!!!
When's the last time you saw a winning coach make that face? THEY ALL GET PISSED AT THE REFS LESLIE!!!! And what happens when they do?? The refs start calling the ticky tack shit!!! And suddenly the other team can't stare at your fatass cheerleaders without getting a "Too many pup tents on the field" call against them. For ONCE... act like a missed holding call is the greatest injustice in the history of mankind... and just see what happens!! PLEASE!?!?!?!
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@Hammy1724 Eh, I'm not sure where I stand on this. If Frazier made some effort to put some refs in their place in a cool and collected manner instead of looking like a cooked sausage on the sidelines like McCarthy, I'd be totally fine with that. Don't always have to be a hot head, but you DO need to have the respect and ear of refs when shit goes down. I don't know.
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@PJD @Hammy1724 I'm going to have to disagree with Hammy's theory...
Belichek - definitely not a hot head
Both Harbaughs (Harbai?) - not hot heads (the 49ers Harbaugh is very emotional, but not a hot head in the same way that Moobs McCarthy is)
Mike Tomlin - not a hot head
Tom Coughlin - one of the hottest heads (exception to prove the rule)
I hear ya there, but I'm sticking to my guns on this one - at least in pro football. Hotheads = Championship coaches. Whinyface-makers = Soon looking for coordinator positions.
Cowher, Gruden, Belichick, Shanahan, Coughlin, ALL knew when to light up the refs and did it well. I'll grant you that doing it just to do it is probably too much.
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Is it too soon to consider that next week the Vikes will - without even the faintest bit of doubt or sarcasm intended - beat the Bears? Thereby assuring them of a worse draft pick, giving the Rubes a flicker of hope in their taints, and sin-of-sins virtually locking the Packers in to the Division Championship... I quit.
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@Hammy1724 Oh yeah, it's totally destined to happen. I will now go stab myself in the eye with a spork.
