It is most certainly award season when the 2011 Minnesota Vikings Mushroom Stampies unzips! The Stampies are PJD's award show that is full of poop and circumstance. Last night, on my couch, occasionally with my hand down my pants, I unceremoniously awarded several players multiple Mushroom Stamps of Approvals (but mostly Disapprovals) for the year of 2011. It was a unique season, one of the worst in fact, with very few people who put in stellar performances and many more who deserve to get brown stained on their forehead because they are incompetent children who deserve to be treated like a race horse with a broken leg.
It was definitely an emotional night as there were some surprises, many tears, backstage fights, accidental male nipple slips, and one clear winner of the Stampie when all of the dust settled. Who could it be in 2011?! Find out after the jump:
Amazingly, the PJD Mushroom Stamps end up being pretty telling about how the Minnesota Vikings season occurred. In fact, I feel comfortable saying it's the only reliable quasi-statistical measurement that can describe the ups and downs of any normal season. So what do the Stampies say about the 2011 season? Some notes:
- I did not include preseason games this year, even though I think I awarded them. We'll call those "test runs" for the season.
- Purple Jesus was the only player who had a positive differential in Mushroom Stamps. This should come as no surprise, and ends up being pretty telling about just how important he is to the team.
- Christian Ponder ended up being easily the most polarizing figure on the entire team. He was awarded one of the 2011 Stamps of Approval after he helped the team win in Carolina, but that easily could have gone to Purple Jesus as well. As things go with a rookie QB, people will react with polar extremes both positively and negatively based on a single game. He probably wasn't deserving of ALL of the stamps he got, but being a figurehead will do that to you.
- You'll notice that only two Mushroom Stamps of Approval were awarded in 2011 despite the team winning three games. It should be noted that I didn't ... nay ... COULDN'T review the Washington Redskins game because I was so distraught after Purple Jesus took a grenade to the knee. I should have probably adjusted the overall rankings for EVERYONE as a minus one, but I didn't. Whatever. We all lost anyway.
- Remember when Donovan McNabb was on the team? Looking back at the Stamps, I was actually surprised he only had one Disapproval. He easily could have received each and every poop slap.
- You'll notice many of the Disapprovals went to the defense. Whether it was defensive linemen jumping offsides at critical moments, linebackers getting lost trying to track down running backs or tight ends, or defensive backs flailing around like a wet fish in the bedroom, the defense SUCKED this season. In total, they were awarded six of the possible 15 Stamps this season.
- Leslie Frazier also got a couple of mad dumper slaps. I don't recall if Childress got any last season (he probably did ... Dick), but this is a troubling sign, definitely.
More than anything, the Stampies for 2011 make it pretty clear that we had just a terrible season. Three wins will obviously do that for you. So what does it all mean? Clearly, Purple Jesus was the single player on the team who had the most positive impact through his one Approval and zero Disapproval Stamps. If we were awarding the Stampies to the person who sucked the lest in 2011, he would clearly be the winner both this year and EVERY year. But that's not how this works. Technically, we look at which bag of fertilizer received the most stamps. And so ...
Your 2011 Mushroom Stampie Award Winner is ... CHRISTIAN PONDER!
Thanks to his early steady hand and late pick sixes, Ponder was able to secure this year's Stampie. He joins 2010 winner Purple Jesus and 2009 winner Percy Harvin as the special brown recipients. This is quite the company, but I don't think it's in the same regard. Can Ponder prove us wrong in 2012? Probably not, but you know we're all going to watch to find out! I can't wait!
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We should have 37 disapprovals and zero approvals for this shitbag season. But PJ should get a Lifetime Approval award.
That is all.