New Minnesota Vikings kicker Blair Walsh (who we're still working VERY HARD to come up with a proper nickname for) recently did a 20-questions thingy with the always revered and HIGHLY RESPECTED (I use caps locks as my sarcasm font, FYI) Bob Sansevere of the currently VERY SUCCESSFUL media outlet, Star Tribune. Whew. Anyway, Baby Blair just, like, said a whole bunch of weird shit that is supposed to let us get to know him a little bit better, but - if we're being honest - I'm actually a little freaked out and/or disappointed with several of his answers. For example:
|It would be "The Flash" if I could be like any superhero. I would love to be the fastest thing there is. That would be awesome.|
ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW. I know you're a kicker and shit, but The Flash? GET OUT. Why not just pick Hawkeye or something else terribly stupid. Superman is just as fast and could probably kick the ball farther if needed. Batman would create some robot leg extension to help him kick it, and Spider-Man could flip kick the ball 70 yards, easily. And you pick The Flash? The guy who would probably run up to close to the ball too quickly and throw the timing of the long snapper and KLUWE all off? Terrible, terrible selection.
More after the jump:
|My favorite cereal definitely is Reese's Puffs. You can't beat them. Reese's Pieces. Reese's anything I'm a fan of.|
My god. Our children have no future. Think about how this question happened. "Hey, Walshing Dead, you can pick any cereal that has ever been created ever in the world. EVER. What's your favorite cereal, then?" And then Blair says, "Oh, you know, Reese's Puffs! LOL!" WHY HAS GOD FORSAKEN ME??! Lucky Charms, Frosted Mini Wheats, Count Chocula, Cookie Crisps ... Literally ANY of these would have been a more acceptable answer. What is wrong with you Southerners?
When asked about his favorite types of music:
|I like everything. I like country music a lot. Probably hip-hop and rap. I'm not a big rock guy. I also like Latino dance music.|
Blair. That is an answer a woman provides when saying what he favorite music is. "I like everything! Tee hee!" No. You say, "I mostly listen to Iron Maiden, Metallica, Guns and Roses, and Def Leppard. DEF LEPPAAARRRDDD!!!!" Ha, just kidding. I'd rather listen to Elton John classics.
Anyway, the Q&A is plenty fine over there. He also talks about golfing, video gaming, "The League," and liking Pierce Brosnan as his favorite actor and person who played Bond. I mean I get it, but ... Sean Connery? Come onnnn ....
So read it, give him crap, but then say welcome Blair Walsh! We'll like you as long as you don't miss chip shot field goals.
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C'mon Walsh. The Flash?! Seriously? Have you seen his costume? That's one superhero who's just dying to come out of the closet. Have you ever seen him team up with any other superheroes? No. And now you know why.
Reese's Puffs? Is that the one with the bunny rabbit on the front or the one where the bird on acid flips out 'cause when he sees the cereal he goes out of control? Walsh, really?
LATINO DANCE MUSIC?! Well, I can't argue with that one. It seems to calm the Puerto Rican bitches down once they come to, oops, I mean wake up, after a night in which they "voluntarily" came home with me.
Doesn't like rock music?!... *sigh* Welcome aboard Walsh.
@honkeylips Not to be a huge comic book dickhead, but ...
@PJD Well, I guess it's inevitable that they'd have have to team up once in a while. But you can tell by the look on Superman and Batman's faces that they're not to happy about it.
@Qommie Nothing MAJOR against them, they're just so low on the totem pole that to have someone blurt out that they're their favorite cereal without thinking ... That's weird, man.
"Nobody feels I'm too cool for them."
While I fully support the sentiment to use a time machine to go back and watch Michael Jordan play in the '90s, he couldn't pick an event that most of us weren't alive for and vividly remember? I hate him already.
I like Care Blair for a nickname, his insignia could be a severed foot.
@Qommie Shit gets weird when the players on your football team were too young to remember when the Cosby show was on TV.
Oh god he even looks like a care bear. A homo human care bear that like Latino dance music. We're screwed.
@CollegeWolf Look at CW getting all worked up! I love it! The website I gamble on has the Vikes at 106-1 to win the Super Bowl and 34-1 to with NFC north. $20 on both? I know we're going 6-10 but hey, I'm a moron.
@CollegeWolf Whoa! That seems pretty harsh. I was thinking Care Blair is maybe justa little laid back and hilariously boring, not a sinner. He'll be fine, and Kluwe seems to like him, sonar least he's got that going for him.