Vikings vs. Packers: Masturbatory Sacrifice Purple Jesus for a Win Game Preview
Can Peterson Take Us to the Promised Land?
Is it worth it? When the Vikings go to Lambeau field this weekend to take on the Green Bay Packers for the first time this season, is it worth it to run him into the ground in what is increasingly becoming a lost season? I mean, chances are low that the team makes the playoffs this season. But if we do, it will most certainly be on the legs of the Heavenly savior, Purple Jesus. And IF we somehow make the playoffs, it will likely be at the detriment, in some shape or form, the the Packers. Both teams may make the playoffs, but the Vikings will definitely need to give them some gut punches along the way. But what is the cost? Is it worth additional injury to the great one? Is it worth the wear and tear on his un-aging, unicorn knees? Is winning one game against the Packers in a growing, meaningless season WORTH it all?
Ha, of course it is. And that's a trick question, boners. Adrian Peterson doesn't get tired. He only gets stronger. BRING IT ON, YOU GREEN CHOADS, IT IS GAME TIME.
Thanks to Drunken1 from Rube Chat for another great game day preview graphic!
Oh, and Go to Hell Packers Everything:
But seriously, let's burn Wisconsin to the ground. I assume everyone knows Wisconsin, Green Bay, and the Packers in general are absolutely insufferable, but this season has been even worse, particularly with the "loss" the replacement officials gave them early in the season. We will never be able to hear the end of that slit slaughter until we die, and in the end it won't even matter. This Packers team is AWWWFFFUUUULLLLL. The Bears are a way better team, even though the Packers beat them early in the year. Green Bay STILL has a defense weaker than a baby mermaid, and yet that doesn't stop them. What happens when the Vikings get a bad defense? Asher Allen has to play cornerback for you. Marcus Sherels becomes your most reliable guy. It's a nightmare. These guys just keep getting breaks, find one year wonders to fill in, and pretend like they're still good. EAT A BALL SACK, YOU ARE NOT. I hope the Giants drop caltrops in your butthole again in the playoffs. You all deserve it. And shave that god damn mustache, Rodgers. You're not convincing anyone you're straight.
Still Hate All Packers Fans:
There's nothing recent here I was looking to share, I just wanted to get that out there. I still hate every Packer fan I have ever met. Every single one of them. There isn't a single good one anywhere. They're either been racist, homophobic, fat (often fat, REALLY fat), alcoholics, abusers, intolerant, and uniformed about their own team. I will never forget, about two years ago I visited a family event in Wisconsin where the "Packer" fans were gathering to watch their loss against the Buccaneers, whenever that was. When I made a comment about Clay Matthews? I may as well have been talking about my pen pal from India. These assholes had no idea who he even was, even though it was like his third year in the league. "Is that the linebacker? Hawk? No, Matthews? Yea, he should be OK." DIE, ALL OF YOU!! Also, Dave Sinykin, the Packers radio guy, is so god damn insufferable when calling a game, it makes you think that Paul Allen is Al Michaels. And their play-by-play guy? Pretty sure he's had fourteen strokes in his life. On the other hand, Sinykin does sound like a reasonable person when not calling a game, but that's not enough to make up for the nonsense, nerd!
Still No Percy?
Sounds like there will still be no Percy Harvin this weekend, and that makes me a real sad panda. After this weekend, he'll have missed two games plus the bye week, three weeks total, after beasting it out on a shattered hip (probably) in that Lions game. Worth it? Of course not. But at this point, where we all know how tough Percy actually is, I'm starting to wonder if the Vikings' front office are just being a bag of dicks and holding him out "as a precaution" because they don't want him to put up better numbers so he's more deserving of a higher paying contract at the end of the year. Not like he wouldn't get one on the open market anyway, but this totally seems like the stupid shit type of move that Rick Spielman and company would try to pull on the best player on the team. Can't wait for that drama.
Dolan of the Week:
This is probably (actually, iz) late, but we had a kind reader share this Dolan comic on the Purple Jesus Diaries Facebook page over the Thanksgiving break, and it warmed our cockles that someone would get us such a tender gift for the day of thanks. I also kind of took the weekend off last weekend because I was lazy, not because I had anything productive to do, AT ALL, and I still wanted to make sure I was able to pass this around to people. So here you go. I hope you all had plenty of special sauce last weekend.
Scotch of the Week:
This week we're taking a look at one I'm not familiar with, called Springbank 15. It's from Campletown area, and I'm not sure I've had many scotches from there before. And honestly, after reading the tasting notes on this, I'm not so sure I want to. If you visit the link above, there's lots of talk about hints of "fruit salad" and even "creamy fruit salad," which normally would be a boner-bot alert, but really doesn't do it for me when I'm trying to fill my mouth up. However, there are apparently hints of old rope, it's heavy on the palate, and has a long, spicy finish, like a Thai squirter, if you catch my drift. And, clearly, that IS the type of stuff that interests me. And the packaging is pretty neat. So maybe I'll give it a try if I find it.
Sleeveless Viking of the Week:
No new pictures of a shirtless Viking this week, UNFORTUNATELY, but I do still have this picture of Christian Ponder from the summer with a bunch of his Florida State area bros (I'm assuming), flexing his 'ceps and looking like a baws. Is that close enough for you? I feel like until the season is over and all of our players take their requisite trips to Texas, Arizona, Florida, or California, we probably won't be getting a ton of new shirtless pictures. I know, that's super depressing. I guess I'll have to scourge the after-game locker room videos for guys in towels. That will go over really well at work, I bet.
End of Season Predictions:
Yeah, it's over. We don't win this game. We lose, like 27-17, at least. We drop to 6-6 on the season, hit that familiar .500 mark, and start the rollercoaster ride down to the tram stop. It was a good ride though, friends. Maybe we'll sneak out a season ending win against the Packers during the last game of the year at home, but that may be it. Maybe the Rams, too. Maybe we'll finish 8-8. But this week starts the end of it all, and that's OK. Frankly, most people pinned us to win three games this season. I had us at about six. So the fact that we have a chance to exceed that in what is supposed to be a bit of a rebuilding year (come on, we all knew it was), is pretty solid. The fact that we were so close to start the season and can even still sniff the playoffs this late in the year is the only thing that makes accepting this all the more difficult. Hoping to win games that mean something is fun! And you should keep hoping, if it makes you feel better or whatever. Me? I'm just going to drink more and enjoy watching Barry Sanders Adrian Peterson play his game. Gods speed, my King.
Enjoy the game, everyone. We'll have a game thread up on Sunday an hour before the game. Leave all your visceral rage there.
 |
Like PJD on Facebook |  |
Follow PJD on Twitter |
Front Office keeping Percy out to lower his eventual contract demands.... BANK ON IT.
Aaron Rodgers will only play until halftime but still throw like 7 TDs. I bet we lose 59-10.
1 Like
The thing that sucks about winning games but having no chance at playoffs is that it kills the draft pick. And god knows we need all the help we can get. Jared Allen is a FA soon too, right? WHY in the hell don't we trade him for a first round pick (or two?) or something? Surely a contender that needs defensive help would want him?
1 Like
@CollegeWolf Have I NOT been saying that? Ok bud... you, me and PJD will go on an all-out offensive to get popular opinion swayed our way. It's tough work - there are a shit-ton of Allen fans that still think the team has a chance (If not this year, then NEXT year, when Allen will be 132 years old and have 3 sacks and be completely untradeable after we sign him to his "3 year" contract for 50 mil with 20 mil guaranteed). I love me some Allen, but he's our only player that can get us ANY value close to his ACTUAL value. Sure, we could trade AP, but what would we get??? The Vikings THEMSELVES screwed up ANY chance of ever getting ridiculous bank for a proven player. Everyone hears "Draft Picks" and thinks Herschel Walker. So let's get at least a second rounder for Jared Allen!!
1 Like
@Hammy1724 I love it. Now we're freakin talking here. How does this NOT make total complete sense?!? It's so logical that our front office will never do it.
