What is this I don't even.
From the intel that I can gather, the above picture IS in fact Minnesota Vikings running back, Adrian Peterson, aka, Purple Jesus, apparently dressed up as the Incredible Hulk for a team Halloween party thrown Monday night.
Want to know the scariest thing about this outfit? He didn't even have to wear fake muscles!
Purple Jesus tweeted the message you see below, and then the picture right afterwards. It made sense (I think ...) eventually, but when you're scrolling through your Twitter feed on your phone going top to bottom, you see the picture first and THEN the explanation second, so you can imagine how confused I was with this whole thing:
My favorite part is that he doesn't even know who's party it was. Jared Allen's? Kevin Williams'? Bill Musgrave's? Probably Bill's. But who gives a shit! Let's get dressed up and weird, dudes!
In review, he pulls the Hulk costume off really, really well. I mean, sure, the huge muscles help that a lot, but his toupee is also a treasure to behold, as is the image (naw, simply the THOUGHT) of Adrian Peterson wearing Brett Favre-esque cut off jean shorts. A sight to behold. I am also assuming that the lady with him is his baby's momma, but I cannot confirm nor deny. But you can pretty much just assume.
Amazing Halloween costume though, and nice job locking up the "Favorite Vikings Player" award again. Not that it ever disappeared. But seeing this got me to start thinking, what other players on the team could pull off an Avenger's or Marvel costume this Halloween? I got some ideas here for ya:
- Christian Ponder as Captain America, since they both have AWESOME PECS and are *supposed* to run the team, but don't, actually.
- Brian Robison as Thor, because of the flowing locks, and everything.
- Percy Harvin as Spider-Man. *Technically* an occasional Avenger in the comics, so I get an out there, and because Peter Parker is supposed to be young and small and agile, which Harvin is, obviously.
- Chris Kluwe as Iron Man, because he's a sexy, brilliant philanthropist ad he has a rocket leg, instead of rocket ... boots? Or repulsor beams and shit out of his hands? You know what I mean.
- Leslie Frazier as Nick Fury, because they're both black, obviously. And run the team.
- Blair Walsh as Hawkeye, because they're both hardly used, but play crucial rolls when they appear on screen/field. Also, accurate as HELL.
- Chris Cook as Black Widow, because he just loves a woman who fights, you know?
- Kyle Rudolph as Loki, because he kind of looks like an Asgardian God like Thor, and also because he'll trick you with his talents (Loki is the God of Tricks, believe it or not), but rarely succeeds because those around him never fully use his talents.
- Kevin Williams as War Machine, because all he does is wreck havoc right in your bread basket.
That's a good enough start. Did I miss anyone? Let me know in the comments.
Whomever is the smallest and crappiest guy on our team is definitely Ant Man. Normally I'd say a kicker or punter, but Cock Monster Killer Kluwe and Care Blair both rock hard.