Prepare Your Eyes for Vikings Stadium Design Porn
Remember all those times as a kid when you thought about the most epic space battle you were going to draw on a blank sheet of paper, or how you thought maybe if you sketched out a pair of boobs it'd be close to the real thing? No? No one did that? Me neither ... Either way, once you finally put pencil to paper, the final product never turned out to be like what you had in your mind. Your space battle was pretty much just scribbles. The boobs? Triangles. What were you thinking.
Point being, these much more fancy sketches of a new Minnesota Vikings stadium from HKS design should be understood as just that. Initial designs which are going to look quite a bit different when the final product rolls around. So, as long as we all understand that, no one get their FUPA in an uproar and think that this is exactly what we'll be drinking in while watching Vikings games for the next 30 years, but ... But. If I may make a rational statement after seeing these designs?
SWEET MOTHER OF JESUS F*CK YEAH!
Uh, this thing is AWESOME. Some of you may know I don't particularly enjoy going to football games in person. Blame some of it on the Metrodome (although I do think the upgrades they've made to the facility and overall experience in the last five years have been positive), blame some of it on me being one of those assholes who thinks the experience at home is way more bang for your buck. I don't care. I mean, even if this stadium was built exactly like this, I wouldn't be first in line for season tickets or anything. BUT, I would totally consider purchasing a ticket at some point instead of only going to a game if a ticket was given to me for free. And that is a huge step forward! For mankind and for me!
Again, this HKS design group is the firm that won the stadium bid to design the new Vikings stadium. They were the crazies behind building that small city in Arlington called Cowboys Stadium, as well as the dumpster fire in Indianapolis called Lucas Oil Field. Or whatever it is. They are also currently working on projects for Texas A&M, TCU, and even Liverpool "football" club. International flair! Because of all of this, they certainly have kicked around many designs and aren't just set on the one you see above, even though that does appear to be the one that has received the most clout.
The other option on their site is this design that looks like a Mobius Strip, but in stadium form. It's like a blend between the Chinese Olympic facilities, a bee's hive, and plaster strips. I don't get it, but it's weird and different, and sometimes that is cool. On the other hand, I do like how it looks against the Minneapolis skyline, so props for that.
The other option I've come across (which I don't think is a design from HKS, let a lone a specific design for a new Vikings' stadium, although it could be) is this one which looks like an upside down Vikings ship. WHICCCHHH ... Is kind of awesome. That would be a fantastic way to incorporate the mascot, heritage, mythology, and everything else into a stadium and a game day. The entire picture they paint here, too, just screams frozen ass Minnesota winters, but then warns those pasties from below the Rust Belt that if they come mess with us in December, we will stick an icicle in their rectum. I DARE YOU.
So, what do you think? Are we going to end up with an awesome facility or a shit hole oil can like they have in Indianapolis?
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And did I miss something here? Are we guaranteed to have a roof? As in, has it already been decided that our vaginas will become swollen if we don't have a roof? Because...well... FUCK! I really was hoping it would be outdoors.
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@Hammy1724 I don't remember if it's been decided or not. I thought they were still pushing for a retractable roof, which I am OK with.
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I like the last one because of yes, the viking ship resemblance. But it needs to be a little more "glassy". Now the first one is pretty cool too but it might be too "glassy". We'd have to hire a lot of illegal Puerto Ricans just to keep the glass clean. Hang on a second... I got an idea. What if we just hired only Puerto Rican women to clean the glass? And kept the age of employment from 16-24? Wait, 16 might be too young. We don't want any legal issues. Let's say 16 and a half. And no chubby ones. It has nothing to do with appearance it's just that we can't have that kind of weight on top of the glass. Sorry, it's a safety issue, and nothing more. It's settled, we're going with the first sketch. Let's get those shovels in the ground. Can't wait!
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@honkeylips OK. Puerto Rican women. I like it. Let's do this. But can I add just one more caveat? NOT sounding like Rosie Perez MUST be a condition of employment. Again, in the name of safety. Because I'd be tempted to "accidentally" drop a cinder block on her seven times from three stories up if I had to listen to even ten words.
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@Hammy1724 @honkeylips 1. Pretty sure "fat" and "Puerto Rican 16 and a half year old" is an oxymoron, but that's my own speculation.
2. The safety issue around Rosie Perez is clear, because if she's talking like that no one will be able to understand her directions to wash windows correctly, maybe someone will fall, and so on.
3. They are washing windows with their boobs, right?
@PJD @Hammy1724 Just thinking of her voice makes me wanna punch a small dog in the face. Sooooo annoying. But I do remember in high school borrowing White Men Can't Jump from a buddy and there's that part where she's wearing the short shorts and I think there was somewhat of a shower scene? Am I right? Anyway, I'd be lying if I said I didn't go through a few pairs of socks at that part of the movie. Of course that was 20 years ago and I guess being a lot younger I could see past the annoying voice for the first twenty times. Now, three times tops.
