Vikings Gonna Vike: Let's get the bad news out of the way first - The Vikings lost in a total heartbreaker on Sunday afternoon, when they fell 20-23 to the Colts. Not to say that this loss was wholly unpredictable. I mean, we all saw it coming. I was expecting a loss before we even started the game, and even more so, when they were driving for the game tying touchdown, you just KNEW that this was setting up to be an all time great in heart breaks from the Purple. All the ingredients were there to make this a game you'd like to burn in a pile of ex-girlfriend photos. But that'd be a waste because, despite the loss, there were actually some redeeming qualities from this game. I know, it sounds like a preposterous statement, but hear me out as we cross that point.
When it's all said and done though, if you ever wanted to watch a Vikings game where the Vikes were gonna Viking it up and play like the Vikings you know and love, Sunday was that day, and they didn't disappoint. Depending on how you look at it, I guess. I mean, they lost, so that was a total ball stomper, but they lost PREDICTABLY. So at least there's that. Whatever. Silver lining. Onto the recap.
Mushroom Stamp of Disapproval: No bones about it, we officially know who to blame for this loss. Amazingly, Ponder played fine (more on that in a second), Percy was out of his mind, the special teams was solid, the coaching had it's bumps but those were even arguable ... I didn't even see Ragnar on the screen. Really, this game was an all around solid game. Except, for that fucking, defense. Our defense, despite all of it's upgrades, may still be one of the worst, smelliest, offensive, disgusting, depressing, instances of a defense that I have ever seen. It's like Kevin Cosgrove is coaching them. It's like our entire coaching staff isn't made up from guys that played defense back in the day, or are from a defensive coaching branch, or have a specialty in defense. And beyond that, it's like we don't have players that know how to scrap that shit for brains coaching plan and just stop the other team from doing good things with the ball. I won't say that I was sitting on the couch with my hands down my pants being lazy all Sunday afternoon and that I'm mad because I saw a defensive player take a play off, because I don't actually think I did. I think they were trying out there, but that may be the worst part. That's the best we can do against an offensive line that had like 4 guys sitting out? A missed safety, no interceptions against a guy who threw three last week, and 40 easy yards in 20 seconds? You're all fired. Everyone. I hate everyone on defense but Antoine Winfield. He's honestly it, and even he's pushing his luck, but only because he's old. The whole defensive squad gets STAMPED.
But About Shirtless Ponder: I hate to say this, because I'm sure he'll revert back to form soon, but ... He's played ... well? ... over these first two games. Really! In two games now (against shitty defensives, mind you) he's got 500 yards, 2 touchdowns, zero interceptions, an average completion percentage of about 70%, and .... a 1-1 record, which is all that really matters. And one of those touchdowns probably shouldn't count off of that tip ball. But I do think he's done alright. It's probably the appropriate amount of progression that we need to see from him in this second year, where technically he hasn't even played a full season of NFL games in his career. AND! Look at the garbage he has at wide receiver. Outside of Percy and the emerging Kyle Rudolph, the guy has nothing. His options are bleaker than a straight guy at the Saloon on a Saturday night. But he's still getting some things done, and I think that will only get better when our third favorite pot head , Jerome Simpson, gets back in the line up. He at least LOOKS like he can play wide receiver. And, I think we can all agree that while Ponder was a reach as far as draft picks go, but it could be a lot worse. I mean, look at the Jaguars. They benched Gabbertt yesterday. Amazing. What an asshole. At least our QB looks a lot better with his shirt off.
Take All of My Money (And Give it to Percy): This isn't even a debate anymore. If Percy doesn't have a contract extension for 13 years with an option for ownership in the franchise by week 6 of this year, I'll burn every Viking ship I see to the ground. When the guy is single handily able to accumulate more yardage than the rest of your entire offense, AND he's doing it by primarily catching bubble screen passes?! Yeah, you give him every dime you have in your bank account and pray to the Lord Purple Jesus that he doesn't flip you the bird and walk as a free agent. Just imagine how horrible this team would be without him, and I'm even talking about if we had a 100% Purple Jesus. Worse than starting Bobby Wade? Would Aromoshadu see more time? I don't know and I don't care. I never want to have to answer these questions. Give the man what he wants, god dammit. Don't screw this up like the Timberwolves did with Kevin Love.
The Shit List: This was apparently the week when the team decided to start pissing me off something fierce and get me really upset with some of the football players, as players, not as human beings. As such, I'll continue to keep a week to week running tally of who it is from the organization that is moved to my shit list either through craptacular play or because they pissed me off for various reasons. After week two, that list includes (in no particular order):
Everson Griffen (Roughing the kicker call, JESUS!)
Jared Allen (Crap roughing the passer call, but come on man)
Charlie Johnson (Great game to show the Colts they're really missing out!)
Alan Williams (Are you seriously a coach?)
Leslie Frazier (This still all comes back to you, COACH)
Paul Allen (Because)
Ragnar (I hate your face)
I guess I could probably put the whole defense down too, but I think the problems are so much more systemic than just "the defense" that it would seem like a moot point. We're screwed, dudes.
You Lost, So Haiku:
The first guy who says
"We just need a little Luck"
Goes plays for the Vikes!
Sad day, friends. Disappointing loss, truly, because we probably could have and should have had that one. Regardless, we're still tied for the lead in the NFC North (everyone is 1-1!) and for the second best record in the NFL! The bad news is that the 49ers come to town this week and holy mother of God, they have been destroying everything they've touched so far this year. Who knew gold miners were so vicious. We'll see if we can recapture some 49er magic, but I doubt it.
Enjoy the week.
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OK. I have to get this off my shirted chest. Christian Ponder has done something TWICE this year that no Vikings QB not named Favre has done. He has personally led the offense on a POTENTIALLY game winning drive. Yes, the Vikes lost. Yes, the Vikes D should wake up tomorrow with an itchy burning rash on their collective taint. But, dammit! Ponder gave us a chance! TarVar literally NEVER did that. Not once. Gus, Duante, and whatever other dick bags haven taken snaps under center may have done it from time to time, but I don't ever remember it happening TWICE in the same season. I gotta say I am impressed so far. He may lose us games this year with poor play, but he sure as hell looks like he could actually WIN us a game.
Annnnnnnnd.... we now have SHIRTLESS VIKINGS! Yesssssssssssssssss, great success @PJD !!!!
Best. Page. Ever.
Not sold on Pondexter either. He's a dink and dump champion that will never be an elite QB. Marginal at best career, unfortunately for us.
@CollegeWolf Dink and dump. Ha, that's fun to say, and do. Ponder didn't exactly stretch the field yesterday but of course all Musgrave was calling for most of the second half was "hand off to Adrian so he can run up the middle into a wall of people, and then we'll do it again, and again..." Ponder did have his moments with Percy and Rudolph but of course those were mostly dink and dump (ha) passes. Hmm... gotta give him a few more games. Right? I might just be giving him the benefit of the doubt though just because I hate our coaching staff so much. You think Frazier even knows Ponder's first name? I never see him talking to him, or anyone for that matter. Just typing this angers up the blood. I thought my level of hatred for Childress was high, it's about to be surpassed.
@honkeylips I would not fault you one bit. LESSly Frazier sucks.
@honkeylips Why, thank you... much appreciated.
@CollegeWolf Hung at 9 & 3 quarters and a comedic wit about you second only to Mr. PJD himself. Completely unfair to the rest of the men down there. That's beautiful CW.
@honkeylips That's how I roll.
@CollegeWolf LESSly. I like that CW. Nice.
Our "defense" is a sad, disgusting pile of donkey feces. Trade Jared Allen before its too late, put Winfield in the Hall of Fame, and then kill the rest of them. Oh, a pay Percy a million billion trillion dollars before he leaves. Don't pull a Kahn. Would be beyond devastating.
No swearing for me today. No talking about Puerto Rican teens today. I was gonna attempt to not touch myself while reading this blog today but c'mon, I'm only human. Anyway, we've played 2 bad teams so far and we've won by 3 and lost by 3, that makes us a bad team. The first 54 minutes was so painful. The ending was enjoyable, however, you're right PJD, you just knew the Vikes were gonna Vike. As for the coaching staff... forget it. Why bother? It's too early in the season to do anything about it anyway. We're gonna see on Sunday a well coached team and a team that's feeds off the energy of it's head coach. Steam rolled is probably an understatement. My kid had hockey yesterday so I couldn't drink. Probably a good thing. I'll be drinking this Sunday though. I'll have to. We'll all have to. My goodness, it's gonna be ugly.
@honkeylips Sunday should be real fun. It'll be an ass pounding not seen since Aaron Rodger's last Pizza Hutt party. I hope I run out of tears by the 3rd quarter so I can just sit and finish the game in silence.
I had to go into work and haven't watched the third and fourth yet. But I agree that Vikings need to extend an offer to Percy soon. I can see him walking with little second thought. Just based on the first half, it's concerning that the Vikings can get some pressure but not close the deal. It was way too easy for Luck to escape and make a play. Stupid, stupid penalties. I'll come back later when I've finished the game; I'm sure you're all anxiously awaiting.
@Qommie Still anxiously waiting...
@Qommie WITH BATED BREATH.
But really, watching that 4th quarter was a roller coaster. I didn't want to believe that this bag of dicks would pull it off, but they almost did. And what's funny, is that when they scored in the final second to tie it up, it felt like it was almost assured that we would win, like that going to OT and winning wasn't even a problem. It didn't even cross my mind that :30 seconds was going to screw us. I mean, the thought of, "OK, they have :30 seconds to try and get into field goal range to win, but, come on, not really" crossed my mind, but then we go and do what we did.
Vikings are just gonna Vike, I guess.