PJD's Masturbatory Game Thread Preview: Vikings vs. Colts
Alright, I done goofed. I had a busy week last week and didn't throw up a proper game preview thread. At this point, doing so seems a bit fruitless, but god dammit, I have scotch to recommend and Shirtless Vikings news that you all need to hear! Plus make predictions about the football game today, too, of course. All that, and we need a Purple Jesus Diaries Game Thread, so here we are. You get a little bit of everything this morning, including my surly self. Hurray!
So let's jump into this Sunday morning treat and cheer on another Vikings win! Or at least not an embarrassing Vikings loss. I'm actually OK with either.
First, here is your weekly game day preview graphic, courtesy of KILLERCHEF from Rube Chat. I like to have a collection of these, even if I don't photoshop them, because why not.
Remembering the Last Meaningful Colts Game: In the meantime, I'm trying to prepare myself for another Vikings/Colts showdown, because the last one I remember I don't have very fond memories of. It involved that cock hole Peyton Manning hitting Reggie Wayne for a 4th quarter pass that allowed them to get into field goal range and kick the game winner as time expired. The entire game, Brad Childress coached our players not to win, but just to prevent any further anal leakage so that we wouldn't slip too hard on the viscera out on the field. Didn't matter. We lead 15-0 late in the 3rd and still ended up losing. What an awesome time! I'm just hoping for a different outcome this year.
You Don't Deserve This, Colts Fans: I am also pretty upset at all Colts fans, whether they actually deserve it or not, for transitioning from Peyton Manning to Andrew Luck, especially when we were much more deserving of a shot at Luck or RGIII than either the Colts of Redskins were. We were WAY worse than the Colts and Rams (who had and traded that RGIII pick to the Skins), but ended up with the third pick because we won a meaningless shitty game while also losing our best player in franchise history to an atom bombed knee. I will never forgive Leslie Frazier for these moves. Regardless, a franchise like the Colts getting "awarded" Andrew Luck is shit. They've had fucking Johnny Unitas and Peyton Manning come through their doors. The Vikings? Oooo, Fran Tarkenton and Daunte Culpepper! ASS. Complete ass. And don't start on the Warren Moon, Brett Favre, Gus Frerotte bullshit. They were all minimal year stop gaps, not franchise QBs like the Colts have trotted out. What a bunch of spoiled cunt rags. I hope we murder them today.
Scotch of the Week: Unless you live out of state, you probably can't go out and buy the Scotch of the Week today, but that's alright. This scotch isn't that great, and hopefully you're still working on one of the other bottles I've suggested. Also, if you are in-state and do need scotch and are thinking about running to Wisconsin this morning to pick some up, I would probably not do that. The scotch they probably have over there was made either in a cattle trough or a toilet bowl. Either way, I'm not drinking either of those. But still, we need to talk booze here. So this week, we take a look at Glenkinchie - Distillers Edition. It's got a nice light amber, mixed with yellow color too it, like the trailing tint of when you pee out a little bit of blood in the morning. It's an easy drink for women because it's not super peaty, but rather has more floral, and fruit notes, with even a hint of apple shortbread. Mmmm! It's like 99 Berries! But PROTIP: Many of these feminine tasting qualities are thanks to this version of Glenkinchie being aged in light sherry barrels. SCIENCE. It's also a mild mouthfeel, and the taste dissipates rather quickly, unlike the mouth loud you left the hooker last night after eating shell fish and pickles. Think about that one. Better add more pineapple to your diet.
Shirtless Vikings Updates: Great news for everyone. Bloguin and I are in the process of adding a separate section to the website that will act as a Shirtless Vikings photo gallery depository. So if you are ever in need of quickly grabbing or referencing a Shirtless Vikings pic, Purple Jesus Diaries will now have you covered, IN SPADES! I'm not certain about the functionality of it yet (if you can search quickly or whatever for the fap material you want), but we'll work on it. Either way, this is great news. And of course, any time you come across a Shirtless Vikings pic that we don't have and needs to be added to the gallery, This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and we'll take care of it. Everyone wins!
Weak Ass Predictions: I don't like our chances in this game, as I explained in the Colts Authority Q&A prediction. Sure, the Colts defense may suck, Dwight Freeney sounds like he's out today, and they have a rookie QB. But this rookie QB is probably the best rookie QB to take the field in years, and the Colts team is playing their first home game of the season, so all those fat hump fans will be salivating for a rookie win. It's going to be tough. Our team is equally young in important positions and I'm just not sure how we're going to respond on the road here. I'd like to think that we'll lean heavily on Purple Jesus (and we might), but he is still only self proclaimed 95% healthy right now, and I don't know where else we turn. Does Percy put on a show? Will our defense of retards show up? Will Kluwe somehow take the game over himself? Probably. I just can't comfortably predict a win though, so that's why I'm going with a 23-27 loss for us. After correctly predicting last week's win, I am now 1-0 on the season as well, so we'll see if the trend continues.
Enjoy the game everybody. Get your chat on in the comments section, and try not to punch yourself in the faces too much today.
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Damn you PJD with your predictions!!! Should've said Vikings win and they would have !@$%@
@the4norsemen Nah, it'd never work like that. If I just predicted them to win every game I'd come out looking like an asshole, even more so than I do now. Gotta be realistic here. The fact is, they performed way better than I would have given them credit for, which is a reasonable expectation.
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@the4norsemen Because he's more competent than our entire coaching staff, combined?
@CollegeWolf @the4norsemen That was a well taken knee. Right from Denny Green's playbook. No sense trying SOMETHING.
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I kind of enjoy watching the Vikings Defense. It's such a mess. They can make average players like Donnie Avery look like professionals.
I said it last year and I'll say it again. Jared Allen is a fantastic player who does us absolutely no good. Why not trade him while he has value for two or three mid-round picks and draft a few players who can do us some good?
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The fact that Purple Jesus just turned that run into a 5 yard game is absolutely ridiculous.
What did that announcer say about taking Harvin over anyone else? Right before the commercial...
I don't care if it's Andrew Luck, do we really have to spend the day watching our defense get annihilated by a rookie QB?
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Leaving your best player off the field on 3rd down? Is Brad Childress back on the sidelines?
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@BlueViking I could track some down for you if you haven't had your fill of suggestive rape and anal sex this week?
@PJD @BlueViking Always a good thing. For some reason, nobody I suggest it to finds it entertaining. What does that say about THEM? Fucking prudes.
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Just an aside here, but I CANNOT WAIT for the Gophers to hit BIG 10 play and get their shit pushed in so all the Gopher fans can shut the fuck up about being 3-0 and "the best record in the Big10" despite having to take UNL fucking V to triple overtime and almost getting beat by Western Michigan at home. Shut the FUCK UP Gopher fans, I hope you all die.
@PJD Did anyone happen to catch the Vadgers nearly tripping on their own cocks against Utah State last night? Bullshit referee-ing to the NFL'th degree kept them from losing that game.
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@Hammy1724 Saw that, they're terrible too. But it's not like the Gophers are any better. They've just been luckier.
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Chicks dig the Glenkinchie. I don't think I've got much time before the electricity goes out and I have to resort to morse code, so Skol Vikings. Stay Shirtless!
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I like the graphic this week, very motivational posteresque. Don't forget the Colts also got Tony Dungy.
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A section for just shirtless Vikings?!? Yessssssss... heavenly!!! Best news I've heard all month! Now I don't care if we win or lose today!
