Well, it's no weekly game preview since we got kicked out of the playoffs thanks to Joe Webb's dynamic athleticism, but let's make due anyway. Here are some current Minnesota Vikings notes from the week that I'm finally getting to, and a little Friday extra!
Little Big Leg Goes to Hawaii
Blair Walsh, aka Little Big Leg, aka the best god damn kicker in the league, obviously, is headed to Hawaii for the ever important Pro Bowl. This is totally acceptable as he finished the season with ridiculous numbers. 35 of 38, 10 for 10 on field goals of 50+ yards, thousands of panties soaked on any given weekend. Pretty impressive. More impressive? Walsh understands he doesn't do his job alone. Because of that, he's taking his new bro and Vikings long snapper Cullen Loeffler to Hawaii with him, which is a pretty chill move. Long snappers are often overlooked on a team, but easily have the shittiest job in the NFL. "Here, hike me this ball with your head down and 11 other guys looking to bury your ass in the dirt. And get paid veteran minimum for it. Congrats!"
So cool move by Blair. I hope they enjoy drinking out of coconuts.
Speaking of Cullen Loeffler
I just discovered last night that Cullen Loeffler has a Twitter account. Saying he has one is a bit of a technicality, because there's only been four tweets and he's only followed nine people, but what he has tweeted out has pretty much been gold. For example, "Blair Loves alphabet soup." OK, good to know. Also, his profile picture, as seen above? AMAZING. Here's hoping for more gold from him in the future.
Speaking of Pro Bowls!
Speaking of Vikings Pro Bowl players, linebacker Chad Greenway has been invited to the Pro Bowl as an injury alternate, which I guess is nice, but also sounds kind of insulting, doesn't it? "Hey, you were pretty good, but that guy was clearly better, and the only reason you're going to Hawaii now is because he hurt himself." Whatever. I frankly wouldn't give a shit, I guess. If I was told that I could go to Hawaii, but it was only because the guy who won the lotto in front of me died, I wouldn't think twice about it. Should have eaten more green vegetables, dumb ass. Greenway is replacing Demarcus Ware, which is an odd choice considering their skill talents, but it's good to see Greenway get to his second Pro Bowl. I'm always surprised that he deserves this type of recognition, but damn if he doesn't tackle a lot of people. Cover them? That's maybe a different story.
Meme of the Week
I'm done with Uncle Dolan for now unless someone finds me a gem. Instead, I'm going to do a rotating meme feature unless I come across one I like a whole hell of a lot, like the 1960's Spider-Man meme, which, admittedly, might be like a second favorite after Dolan. Here's one for you this week, and you can check out the Know Your Meme database for more background before you try dropping knowledge on me about Spidey, OK?
Scotch of the Week
No big scotch review or general drinking suggestion this week, outside of the boating that I'm going to an "Experimental Whisky Drink" tasting this weekend. The offerings will include a Knob Creek bourbon mixed drink, a Lagavulin 16 mixed drink, and a barrel-aged Manhattan. All of these interest me, but for different reasons. First, I'm not sure what's supposed to be sexy about a bourbon mixed drink. It's just a mixed drink. Give me something pure and heavy like gasoline to drink, not some fruity mixed shit. Second, the words "Lagavulin 16" and "mixed drink" should probably never be spoken near each other, and ever since finding out that this is part of the offering I've wanted to punch whoever came up with this idea. I'll try to restrain myself. Finally, the barrel-aged Manhattan could be good, too. How is it done? Is the booze barrel aged? Did they make the Manhattans and then barrel age those? What happens then? SO MANY QUESTIONS?! I'll let you know the results next week.
Sexy Vikings Fan of the Week
I might be in a lull for Shirtless Vikings, at least until the Pro Bowl hits, so here's a sexy lady dressed to look like a Vikings fan. She's clearly NOT a Vikings fan, because she's a former Playboy playmate and model named Jaime Edmondson who models every teams colors and outfits. So don't get your hopes up. You see her in Packers color and your boner goes into turtle. Just try not to think of that for the next 30 seconds and you'll be fine.
What to Watch This Weekend
Check out the Packers and 49ers game and cheer on the guys wearing red. I doubt they'll win, because Kaepernick looks like trash, but we can still hope. If not, Green Bay will get their comeuppance at some point. You could also watch the Timberwolves Friday night against the Hornets, but I'd hate to see you watch them lose to one of the worst teams in the NBA. The Gophers men's basketball team is playing Indiana Saturday morning in a showdown between top ranked teams. I'd tell you to watch them too, but karma would then drive them to a loss, and I don't really watch college basketball anyway. So I'll stay away for your sake.
Enjoy the weekend, folks.
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Well thank god the Packers lost(FUCK YOU CUM GUZZLERS) and really if anyone but the god-damn Patriots win I'd be happy. Fucking Patriots seems like they've been good since the stone age, LOSE. Also, there are some hilarious Spiderman memes and I am optimistic for the meme rotation. The pro-bowl will be the last time we watch Viking players until Fall, and I hope Adrian goes try-hard despite everyone's lazy efforts. Happy Off-season!
Really? I mean, I don't have much appreciation for Atlanta, but you want them to win at the benefit of the Packers? That just seems like crazy talk.
No new shirtless Vikings, no Dolan, a scotch everyone has heard of before, and your telling us to watch the Packers?! This really IS the offseason!!
@akcanonsong Also, don't you dare shit on the 60's Spider-Man meme. This meme is fucking epic, sexy, and offensive. Give it time. Not everyone warmed up to Dolan right away either, unless you're a twisted asshole like me.
@akcanonsong Change isn't ALWAYS bad. Example: Breasts.
As the Divisional round approaches I think I have a issues: MORE than anything else, I want Atlanta to lose,and lose big, I want them to lose and make their fans watch in horror as they get booted from their possable superbowl run! AND I will root for the Pack to make that happen if necessary. Purple Jesus am I nuts?