When will they learn? When will the misogynistic and disgusting MEN that lead ALL sports franchise get it through their thick skull? HEY! There are female football fans too! And some of them would like to have a team calendar for their work place! Some of them would like a calendar full of men! And not just men in football action shots! But men, without shirts on, in ACTION shots, if you know what I mean!
In case you can't tell, I'm still a little miffed at the Minnesota Vikings organization this year. In 2012, Purple Jesus Diaries offered the team a GOLD MINE idea of creating a Shirtless Vikings calendar to counteract the SEXIST bikini cheerleader calendars that are seen across the NFL. The idea was brilliantly simple, and yet - a year later - we're back to the same spot we were last season, with a calendar being released of SEXY VIKINGS CHEERLEADERS (Link bait, anyone?!) instead of a Shirtless Vikings one.
So hell with it. I'm not going to go so far to make a calendar myself, but I WILL go so far as to suggest Vikings players for each month on a calendar to try and off-set this sexism a little bit. So let's get to it.
January: Chad Greenway, because January is covered in white snow, so you need a white linebacker to represent this month.
February: Blair Walsh, because February is the shortest month.
March: Kyle Rudolph, since St. Patrick's Day is this month, and he went to Notre Dame, and god dammit I hate that school.
April: Mike Singletary (if he's still with the team, I don't even know), because how great of an April Fool's joke would that be?
May: Andrew Sandejo, because he sounds Spanish enough to lock down the Cinco de Mayo month.
June: Toby Gerhart, because when it comes to the NFL, June is the most boring month of the year?
July: Jared Allen, who deserves the July 4th month since he's likely the most patriotic player on the team.
August: Christian Ponder, because during the hot dog days of August when he has to take his shirt off is pretty much the best he'll ever look as a quarterback.
September: Jerome Simpson, because this is when the "green harvest" is usually coming in, isn't it? Whatever.
October: John Sullivan, because I'm imagining that he has a super hairy chest which would be perfectly frightening for Halloween month.
November: Phil Loadholt, because the biggest guy on the team naturally gets Thanksgiving month.
December: Adrian Peterson, aka, Purple Jesus, because it's his birthday month, obviously.
Anyway, that's what I'd like to see. If you have some different ideas, let's hear it in the comments. Of course, if you're into "sexy women" and stuff like that, here's some more choice pictures of Vikings cheerleaders from the Vikings website of behind the scenes picture taking for the calendar. AHH YEEESSSHHHH.
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Maybe this is something we need to slowly slide our way in to. Perhaps "shirtless" is too much sausage in the mouth at one time . We need something in to which we can really throw our fists! Maybe the team could satisfy our needs with some pictures of the fellas in, say, a nice fishnet top? Or perhaps a leather vest and assless chaps? I'd double over standing with my head pressed to my knees in a fit of joy for something like that!