You know when you go to the Metrodome to catch a Vikings game and you've been pounding beers since 8:00 AM out in a dirty ass parking lot, peeing behind buildings, spraying all over Port-A-Potties, and just letting everything dribble down your pants? And you're doing this because - holy god - have you ever tried to use a bathroom in the Metrodome? It's like trying to scrounge for food at a buffet in China. Best of luck, noob.
Well, NOT ANYMORE. Peeing and pooping and throwing up from alcohol poisoning and having sex with women from Iowa in bathroom stalls is about to get a whole lot less time consuming, because in a recent Q&A on the Vikings.com site, it has been acknowledged the bathroom situation is going to be VASTLY improved.
Straight from the horses (Vikings?) mouth, here's the low down on the brown downs:
John Hedlund – Will I be able to go to the bathroom in the third quarter and not miss the entire fourth quarter?
No question. That issue will be alleviated in a couple of ways. First, the new stadium will contain approximately 100,000 more square feet of concourse space than Mall of America Field. While the two 360-degree concourses will vary in width, the plans currently call for a main concourse average width of 43 feet, while the upper concourse will average 38 feet in width. (For comparison, the concourses at Mall of America Field have a 24-foot average width.) That alone will immensely help relieve congestion in the concourses. In addition, the number of restrooms and points of sale will be significantly increased as compared to Mall of America Field. In the new stadium, the current general admission restroom ratio will be 1/40 for women (1 water closet for every 40 females) and 1/60 for men for the first 1,500 fans (ratios are still being finalized). Furthermore, there will be approximately 255 fixed points of sale within the general admission concourses, not including portable kiosks or the points of sale within clubs and suites. All of this combined will tremendously cut down on wait times and allow fans to enjoy the entire game.
Oh, you'll be "alleviating" the issue with the bathrooms? You witty bastard.
So, this is all good news. Let's get back to drinking. The only remaining question is whether or not the pee troughs will be back as an "homage" to the Metrodome bathrooms. Because what's a group urinating experience without crossing streams? You know what I'm saying.
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One of the things the NFL managed to squeeze out of taxpayers was enough corporate welfare to build bathrooms in the suites of the new stadium. The advantage of this is that corporate types will no longer have to interact with the face painters at games. They will also have a VIP parking lot with skyways that again allows them to avoid face painters. It's a great deal for the wealthiest of our fair weather fans. They get taxpayer subsidized access to NFL games without having to deal with average fans.
The question isn't even an exaggeration. The troughs sound lovely. Do you guys also get the perks of ESPN 1500 personalities staring at you from posters placed throughout the bathroom?
Let's also not underestimate the fun games that can be played at the trough - "Guess who has the smelly urine", "Which one of us has more kidney disease", and my favorite, "Who's the horse?". Good times which will apparently be lost if these "professional" designers have their way!
@CollegeWolf Agreed. One can really not overstate the value of the trough system. Like Roman aqueducts.