There was a time, back in 2005, where I thought the Vikings were going to be stuck with the greatest defensive backfield in the history of the game. Antoine Winfield was in his prime and busting heads like like he was a porn star, and then there was Fred Smoot. Mr. "Covering one third of the Earth" Smoot came in as a high profile free agent for the Vikings and was going to give the team an amazing one-two punch with him and Winfield. I was so damn excited about Smoot's arrival, that I actually went out and ordered a custom #27 jersey that may have had an extra couple of "O"s in it. SMOOOOooootttttttt. That was an awful purchase.
Smoot obviously sucked it up. He was in Minnesota for two years and will forever be remembered because of his antics and roll in the Love Boat scandal, as well as that career crushing game he had against Steve Smith from the Carolina Panthers. That's the day Smith went for 201 yards on 11 catches and a touchdown, and mocked the entire state by rowing a boat in the endzone. It was actually kind of awesome.
But whatever. Fred Smoot is cool by my book, so cool in fact that he was over on Reddit this week and participated in an AMA, or an "Ask Me Anything" event, where people ask questions and the host responds. As expected, Mr. Smoot did not disappoint (See: "Okra Patch" from the banner image). Here are the highlights.
There's a wealth of knowledge over in the full AMA, so I still recommend checking that out. However, what I'll present to you below are some of my favorite Vikings and Smoot centered answers. Question first, answer second, you know how this goes:
Q: Vikings fan here. When you got the huge free agent contract from the Vikings expectations were through the roof. However things just never seemed to work out. Did you ever feel comfortable in MN? Was it just a bad scheme fit?
Smoot: man, I loved Minnesota. Nicest people and the prettiest women. I love DC but playing up there for the Vikings was pretty awesome.
See, I have always felt like this was true, that Minnesota had some amazing tail running around the state, and even went so far as to mention it yesterday in a post, so it's always nice to see some mental case like Smoot basically agree to that. The question then of course becomes, why bring in hookers from Miami then to the Sex Boat party? What was wrong with the home grown talent?
Q: Fred, who was the toughest receiver you ever had to cover? I would assume Randy Moss...?
Smoot: Great question and not as simple as you'd think. The thing about it was Champ was usually on the best receiver so I got thrown at a lot for a while. I want to go more in depth with this question on the podcast later on my facebook but I think if I had to really pick one of the top of my head I probably WOULD say Randy Moss. He was just so damn tall and so damn fast!
So there you have it. The ultimate authority on getting burned by awesome receivers has gone on record saying former beloved Minnesota Viking Randy Moss is the greatest receiver he ever had to cover. I assume that also means better than Terrell Owens, Lynn Swann, Kelley Campbell, and Steve Smith from the Panthers. So eat shit, everyone else.
Q: Was the love boat worth it?
Smoot: Man, everybody asks me something about that damn boat, and u know what the crazy thing is? that party was so overrated! story completely blown out of proportion! I don't know if I would say it was worth it but I wouldn't change anything in my past.
Q: I heard Bryant McKinnie picked a girl up, put her on the bar and ate her out on the bar and that's overrated?!?
Smoot: we call that runnin through the okra patch!
Is this the best sentence ever written in the human language? It very well might be. I do believe I know what t-shirt we're making next for the PJD Merchandise Store. "Running through the okra patch." Probably the best thing I've ever heard.
Anyway, head over to Reddit to catch the rest of it. He also talks about Waffle Houses and mentions his podcast a lot, which ... Yeah, I'm not listening to. It's just not my thing, but that doesn't matter. All I know is that bastard Fred Smoot certainly knows how to party.
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So many unanswered questions!!! Was McKinnie horny or just incredibly hungry? Does he have to worry about throat cancer? Will I ever be able to watch Oprah again without thinking of her pelt??? GAAAHHHHH!!!